I cannot live in this world; it is way too messed up. *Trigger Warning*

[lunalovegood]

I don't understand how the world is the way it is. I am 20 years old and I feel like I am only seeing and hearing more horrific, disgusting and terrifying things going on all over the world instead of less. Aren't we supposed to be evolving? Nothing is changing for the better, history keeps repeating itself. We take one step forward, and then twelve back.

I have accepted that I cannot change the world. I know I can make change in my life and maybe a handful of others, but it just does not feel like enough. If I help in a food shelter, I feed people and then send them back on the streets. Uh, what?! That's not fixing anything. My boyfriend told my mother to "watch me" today, which led to a very difficult conversation in which I tried to rationalize something that she will never find rational, which in turn earned me another threat to return to my local mental institution (never f***ing again). She offered the only advice she could: ignore it. Well, I have tried and I cannot. I do not even want to procreate anymore, which used to be my only dream. I cannot imagine bringing a child into this mess.

I can't look forward to a future that is so bleak. I have been in pain for seven years. It has not yet gotten better, despite what others have said. It is no life hopping from one pill to the next, going day-by-day just wanting life to stop; to end. I don't know how to cope anymore. I don't even know that I want to.

[Admins: This may be in the wrong section. If it is, feel free to move it. Also, not sure if it needs a trigger warning, but the last thing I want is to drag someone down in the dumps with me.]

 

[Speedy]

Welcome to the SF forums, lunalovegood. :hug:

Just letting you know that I (and others on SF) are here to listen. I understand that you're suffering and can somewhat relate.

Take care,

Alex

P.S. I once knew another person named lunalovegood on here (different username structure though). Reminds me of Harry Potter! I'm a fan of HP; the latest movie was very enjoyable.

 

[Isabel]

Hello Luna,

Welcome at SF, I hope you'll find understanding and support here. I would like to tell you that the world is not a mess, but denial never works in the long run. What I can tell you is that every act of kindness matters, that every person of good will, while not able to address every single issues, makes a difference. There are many people in the same boat than you who try to clean their little corner. Not enough people yet, but everyone of them count. None of us know where is the tipping point, where the sum of our individual acts will add up enough to trigger major changes. It took centuries to abolish slavery, for women to be considered more than soulless cattle. Mary Wollstonecraft wrote A Vindication of the Rights of Women in 1792. It took more than a 100 years to even get the right to vote. In the long run, its important that you find ways to recharge your batteries, find time for joy, love, fun etc...Don't feel guilty about finding happiness, which is a state of being depending little of material conditions once the basic needs are satisfied. Joining the rank of the joyless, the disengaged, the indifferent wont do any good, first to yourself, than to the planet. Take care of yourself, and then of the world around you. Don't dismiss whatever good you can do as insignificant. It matters, if only to one person. And that is the only way anything gets accomplish, one single little thing at a time. Also, if you don't find and value what replenishes you, in the long run, you wont know anymore why its worth keeping on fighting. What will work for you is for you to find. You probably know already what it is that turns you on if you look back at your childhood. For me, its books, being surrounded by animals, gardening, good food and the people I love. Make time for them everyday and cherish every little moments of joy you can get out of them: from the first drop of a good coffee in the morning to the freshness of the clean sheets when you go to bed. So, I'll leave you on Emma Goldman words:

I did not believe that a Cause which stood for a beautiful ideal, for anarchism, for release and freedom from convention and prejudice, should demand the denial of life and joy. I insisted that our Cause could not expect me to become a nun and that the movement would not be turned into a cloister.....A revolution without dancing is not a revolution worth having.

 

[lunalovegood]

Thanks guys. Re-reading what I wrote is always a bit of a shock when I come back to "normal" (or as my psychiatrist used to say, a 0 on the Mazmanian Mania-Depression Mood Scale..I despise that thing lol).

I woke up feeling pretty bleak about things, but as the day has gone on, I've found at least 6 ways to make someone else smile, or make their day a little better. One was as simple as catching the eye of someone who I thought looked as down as I was feeling and giving a smile and a wink. I enjoyed school (adult education is a trillion times more bearable than highschool). I'm looking forward to eating something and reading A Dance With Dragons.

Isabel, thanks for the post. You make it seem a lot more manageable and maybe even repairable when you put it that way. I tend to look at the bad parts of history repeating themselves, but mass change and revolution was definitely there too. Now, I just need to find my starting point.

Alex, thanks for the welcome! I'm looking forward to providing support in the forums where I can. Also, I am a huge Potter fan. More the books than the films, but the most recent was definitely my favourite of the lot. I have a soft spot for the first one as well...it was just so magical!

 

[Speedy]

:hugtackles:

Glad you're feeling a little better now!

Also, I loved the books so much more than the movies. Anyhow, I am so excited that there is someone else on here that likes HP! If you ever want to talk about HP (in a thread or something), I'd love to hear your thoughts on any of the books/movies. =]

 

[Patience]

I definitely know where you're coming from. I felt sad about all these bad things happening in the world... but then I remembered a quote from a movie, it went something like...

"You wanna know how to change the world, son? Through one Act of Random Kindness at a time (ARK)."

Always remember that. We may not be able to solve all of the world's problems, but if we do our best to help others, we can make a difference. Welcome to the forum.