I cant afford the medical help I need.

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by The First Lady, Mar 3, 2010.

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  1. The First Lady

    The First Lady New Member

    In January of 2009 I had my first grand mal seizure while at work.

    No one knows this, but I did it on purpose. I overdosed in hopes of making my soulmate realize how much he was hurting me. He still doesnt care.

    And I continue to hurt.

    I still have seizures, gained 50 pounds, lost my job, and dropped out of school. Im only awake for about 5-10 hours a day, not because I want to be, but Im always so tired. I have no energy or motivation for anything, no matter how much I sleep, it is just getting worse everyday. I have nightmares, heart palpitations, and migraines, my short and long term memory is destroyed. I have so many things wrong with me since I made the decision to swallow those pills. I cant afford to get the help I need to get my life back on track. I so desperately need a normal family doctor and psychologist, not just some governmant subsidised medical center that treats so many people that they just dont give a damn anymore. No one listens to me, they just throw some antidepressants at me and hope I go away.

    Im losing hope. I dont know where to turn, or who to ask for help. I have more than just major depression but a disease process as well. I can feel it.

    I hate myself for what Ive done. What I allowed someone else to do to me. My first attempt was a cry for help. Only I never got it. Just made everything worse. Im so disappointed in myself. I was so healthy before all of this.

    I try to be positive. I know things can be so much worse. Im smart and want to finish nursing school, be with my soulmate again, raise a family...just be happy. Its been so long, too long.

    But now all I do is sleep.

    I just hope one day I can truly wake up,
    because staying asleep indefinitely is sounding even better and better as the days and nights pass me by.
    Last edited by a moderator: Mar 3, 2010
  2. mcviking

    mcviking Well-Known Member

    I know I keep saying this to everyone today, but get active. Push yourself. I know the more I sleep the more tired I feel. Forece yourself to stay awake. Go for a walk or do ANY physical activity. Even if its 5 minutes its something.
  3. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    YOu need to talk to your doctor and get help get some test run it could be your thyroid damaged or something else. You doctor can find out what went wrong and get you on meds to make you feel better. go get some test done okay just tell doctor your tired all time need blood work done thyroid checked. take care
  4. The First Lady

    The First Lady New Member

    I have had my thyroid levels checked. My doctors tell me im within normal range. Im have subclinical hypothyroidism by other standards though. I need to go to an endocrinologist or internist, but I dont have insurance. Its frustrating.
  5. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    get thyroid check again as to be put on pills this wil help greatly
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