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I can't anymore

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by 2much77, Oct 12, 2016.

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  1. 2much77

    2much77 New Member

    I have 5 kids, my oldest two have a different father. In June I stopped getting c/s because my second oldest graduated high school. Both oldest are in college and completely depend on me. Since I stopped getting that extra income, my finances have spiraled into decline (I was borderline poverty level with only my income from my full time job).
    I now have 3 payday loans that take up my whole paycheck for the minimum payments. The day after payday I'm overdrawn.
    Every night, I can't sleep because I think about how to get money for milk, cereal, school snacks, lunch money, gas, and dinner for the next day. I have sold everything of value that I own on eBay, short of the kids PlayStation and 2 games. I don't do drugs, smoke, or drink....I'm just struggling to feed my kids. I have a 14-year old in football that can eat $20/day alone.
    I collect cans to recycle. I sell my plasma. Every day I struggle even to buy ramen noodles for the kids. My husband won't give me money, he thinks it's my job to feed and provide for the kids.
    I think about suicide every day. I can't keep on like this. I don't think I could handle a second job. I can't do this anymore. You have no idea what it feels like to watch your kids be hungry. My gross income is too high to qualify for welfare. Already get reduced price school lunch, can barely pay for that. I cry myself to sleep every night and have absolutely reached my breaking point.
  2. moxman

    moxman The "Perfect Life" YouTube channel is neat

    Hello 2much77, I am Mox

    Thank you for joining us here at SF. While you are here you will be safe. No one will judge you. No one will ridicule you. You are with friends. Thank you for sharing your story with us. I invite you to read my personal story below in green. I tend to ask you a lot of questions. I am not trying to belittle you, or be a jackass. I am simply trying to understand your situation totally. That way I can help you the best.

    Ok, you are going to really need to explain this to me. I try not to think badly about anyone, but this has to be the most selfish thing I have ever heard.

    Ok, you are hanging out on a place called Suicide Forums. I am going to ask you bluntly, are you suicidal? If you are not, that is fantastic. If you are, do you understand, why we feel this way? I say we because I am suicidal too. If you would like for me to explain it to you, I can. Just give me the word.

    Obviously I do not know a lot about you. But you can't live like this. Maybe you should seriously consider filing for bankruptcy? It seems like all of your stress is related to money. My understanding is that filing bankruptcy, will ruin your credit, but it will also get those payday loans off your back. You could then take care of yourself , and your kids better. You sound like you are a really good person, that loves her children. *hug

    The food issue, could you go to a food bank or something?

    Feel free to PM/IM me anytime.

    Take Care My New Friend
    electricalanomaly likes this.
  3. Striking

    Striking Well-Known Member

    Have you looked into programs like Catholic charities? Religious organizations can provide help even to non members. Food banks are another source if you haven't tried them.

    You're in a very rough spot so please come back and chat with us some more
    electricalanomaly likes this.
  4. 2much77

    2much77 New Member

    Mox---I think about suicide almost daily, ways to do it, etc....But I can always pull myself back when I think about what would happen to my kids. Does that make me not suicidal? I don't know. Are you only suicidal if you've made an attempt or a plan? Sometimes it feels like the only way out.

    My town has a food pantry. I called them once. They require paycheck stubs, of course where they look at your gross income.

    Bankruptcy lawyers need about $700 to file for you. Payday loans should be illegal and I can't believe I'm stupid enough to get trapped in it.

    I don't want to get into my husband. It's very very complicated. Divorce will happen as soon as the last child gets a bit older. He sometimes helps me, but only when I've completely lost my last sense of sanity. As I did tonight. Between posts I was able to get $60 from him, with a precise list of exact items I would be buying and justifying why we needed them. Mostly because he's too lazy to go to the store and he also needed something. So I can breathe for another 2-3 days. Thank goodness for ramen and spaghetti. Cycle repeat.

    I know others have it much worse off. I know my kids need me. It's just very tiring staying strong day after day after day...
  5. moxman

    moxman The "Perfect Life" YouTube channel is neat

    Yes hun, taking all of that into consideration I would definitely say you are suicidal. With the small part you have shared with us tonight, it is easy to see why. You are definitely overly stressed out to the max. *hug I don't know how you are doing it honestly. You need help , and you need help pronto. You sound like you really love your kids. You sound like a very strong lady. This is too much, you need help.

    So your working, but trapped in the payday lender trap? What do you do for a living?

    Do you have any friends/family you can lean on?

    I do have an idea, but I don't know how well it would play out for you. But I am going to throw it out there anyhow. Change bank accounts, the payday lenders, have the ability to draft only that account. If you change bank accounts, your paycheck will go into the new account, and payday lenders can't touch it.

    Where did the $700 amount come from? Is that, what you know, or you suspect. Could you apply for any credit cards or anything to pay the bankruptcy lawyers?

    Yes Payday loans, should be illegal. I have seen a couple of friends lose everything over them.

    Not even getting into the husband *cough disgusting *cough situation. Your story tells me, that you are an intelligent person. You must have your reasons for staying.
  6. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Hello, I just want to say I am so sorry for what you are going through, your husband is being incredibly selfish and stubborn. I honestly do not know what to advise but hope you can get through this extremely difficult time in your life. Please keep talking to us. We do care.
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