I Cant Anymore

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by spidy, Jul 3, 2012.

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  1. spidy

    spidy Well-Known Member

    I m not getting into this but i cant no more.Cant even cop a fucking break.NO MORE NO FUCKING MORE.Hurt pwer by others the shit NO NO NO NO.I m not getting fucked over anymore and getting triggered time and time again worn out THE END
     
  2. youRprecious!

    youRprecious! Antiquities Friend

    Don't let them beat you spidy........You are valuable and able to overcome this....... Those who would try negative things on you have issues themselves, don't be their victim. Use what they have done to you to your advantage. It is possible to do this, every day is a new beginning and your identity can be healed, ... is being healed away from the crap.
     
  3. spidy

    spidy Well-Known Member

    I m sick of falling be what it all is i wont be here in the godforsaken hell anymore
     
  4. spidy

    spidy Well-Known Member

    The big one this time NO MORE wont come out of this
     
  5. IV2010

    IV2010 Well-Known Member

    spidy keep talking to us..how are you doing?

    I know you've got a lot of @#%* going on in your life but don't give up
    sometimes a problem shared is a problem halved, or whatever the saying is!?
    is everything ok with the kids?

    I see you offering some great support to others and you have many friends here who care about you
    I hope you can overcome this latest setback..we're here for you :hug:
     
  6. youRprecious!

    youRprecious! Antiquities Friend

    Gav - godforsaken hell's can be turned around.......... simply by inviting God in :) I'm not trying to be funny here, either. He won't reject, expel, exclude or punish you, and has the power to turn things around :)
     
  7. spidy

    spidy Well-Known Member

    I do my best in this life.Yet all I cop in my stinking life is getting put down.Fucking she pulling the take the kids away again.I dont care anymore as i m over it all her fucking b/s life everything.Just cant get anything right i m one big fuck up no point in keeping it going.
     
  8. pickwithaustin

    pickwithaustin Staff Alumni

    As a parent, it is the KIDS that remain the importance.
     
  9. IV2010

    IV2010 Well-Known Member

    please don't give up Gav...
    would having the kids in your life give you some hope and a reason to keep going?
    If the answer is yes then keep fighting for your rights Gav..don't let her win..she's not worth your life :hug:
     
  10. spidy

    spidy Well-Known Member

    Dosnt matter anymore i cant keep this up.Over the shit over life over the gaddam whole fucking load off crap this life feeds us.No more.havnt stopped suffering cant pull the brave stupid face anymore
     
  11. youRprecious!

    youRprecious! Antiquities Friend

    IV is right - she is not worth your life Gav..... and your children still want to know their father.........

    Yes, people will try to put us down, that's the dark side of human nature - to do that for whatever reason. It shouldn't be, in an ideal world. But we're in this life and can learn to negotiate the very unpleasant aspects of it.

    Don't feel bad about not being able to do the brave face thing - as it is only a mask, you're better off without it. It's not helping you, only making you feel worse.

    You want to be yourself without any masks at all - to discover more skills in how to negotiate what is happening.

    Keep talking here, we're here for you Gav.

    Sometimes the pits we're in seem too deep to climb out of - but there ARE things that really can help in very positive ways. Hindsight, self-awareness etc. Knowing that there is a higher power who accepts us just as we are. These things can give us new internal strength and change things from the inside out. :)
     
  12. IV2010

    IV2010 Well-Known Member

    :console: I understand that struggle spidy..
    do you have a crisis 'strategy' ? someone you can ring? go to your GP? ER?
    we care about you
     
  13. spidy

    spidy Well-Known Member

    How do I go through all this crap again and again i cant ive tried i still try but without any future.Ive worked it out i m scewed at the hand of it sux rather be dead than to be in poverty till end of my days.I try and fucking try yet seem to get screwed as if forces are against me.I try not to give in but i have now as i cannot see that road ahead anymore.I M VERY SORRY TO LET YA ALL DOWN BUT IVE HAD A GUT FULL OF BEING SCREWED OVER ALL MY LIFE NOTHING I SEEM TO DO COMES OUT RIGHT
     
  14. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    What's happened? :hug: Please keep talking to us.
     
  15. spidy

    spidy Well-Known Member

    Nope not now>>Im just one fuck up really dont care anymore.I have one last chore to do.Sorry to let everyone down but keep strength.I cant anymore and not going too 27yrs of b/s no more cant do it ive got to the limit just cant.I try do right I try help I do everything i can yet i m always pulled down I cant do this anymore cant have ppl controlling my life cant deal with my weaknesses i m over it who really cares wont be many.Yes 4 soles will but i m sorry thats sad but i m no good to them.I museless i try but cant even be a father as anything i do say is shat on.Better off not here
     
  16. pickwithaustin

    pickwithaustin Staff Alumni

    As a father, I would gladly live in any misery to remain father to my children. I lost one... I would give anything to trade and take his place. I would suffer any degree of humiliation, pain, stress, etc., to remain present so that my remaining two children never have to experience the horrific pain I feel each moment of every day due to the loss of my youngest son. That's just me. I do suffer, daily. I'd suffer ten thousand times more for them though. I'm not 27... but almost 52. :(

    I hope that my feelings speak to you and help you to pull through this. You stated that nothing that you do in life comes out right, but you are wrong - you made your children. That is the biggest and best achievement any of us can reach.
     
  17. spidy

    spidy Well-Known Member

    Thanx pwa yes i have real heartfelt respect for you.Ive had a couple of serious thoughtd this week and i can relate too what you are saying as first thing comes into my head are my 4 bueatiful angels.I m 40 was saying 27yrs of crap.I want to die but dont as i lost my mum young too so i get what you are saying.Unfortuantally my kids being played against me so dont have the respect a father who does really give a shit should not thier fault and i guess i mreaching for help as i m lost i cant go to hosp i cant go to crisis guess i m rooted.I m sick to death of the control that someone can have over my life even though they dont belong in it and kids anytime they here get questioned which aint fair on them.I had an abuser and this shit reminds me of his control so i m very triggered and then the lack of self confidence i have achieved from a shit load of ppl over the years guess i ve got to the Whats the point time.Ive tryed done my best to get well help whoever here in real life whenever i have been able too yet i go down meant to be this guy that shouldnt have help.I m that person who has to be there when others need not when i am.I dont care anymore got kids xmas pressies picked i pay for them and thats going to be it for me ive had enough.
     
  18. youRprecious!

    youRprecious! Antiquities Friend

    Gav - I've been shat on too, and I know how it feels to feel that there are forces against you trying to pull you down. I thought that ending it all was the way to put an end to it.

    But something happened, and I'm still here, trying to let others know that there is a better way.

    What you really need is somewhere to rest up and gather up the fragments - perhaps not even do the 'trying' thing. Sometimes, the more we try, the more we don't get anywhere and our expectations are dashed yet again.

    The most important thing you can do, and have the power to do, is to look after Gav. For now, for however long it takes. Your priority is to take care of Gav - even though life sucks and people hate and everything's turned to custard. Gav is still alive, and can come through......... even though you think you don't even want to, you do really, or we wouldn't be answering you here. There is a way through, even though there seems to be too many roadblocks in the way.

    I read this, just a few minutes ago - along those lines:

    "I will lead the blind by ways they have not known, along unfamiliar paths... I will turn the darkness into light before them and make the rough places smooth. These are the things I will do; I will not forsake them." Isaiah 42:16


    That promise is for everyone who dares to believe it - or whoever might want to believe it. I think that's what you want more than anything right now - for the darkness to be turned into light before you and the rough places made smooth.

    I look back on my attempt, how dark it was, how many rough places I had no answers for......... I couldn't even believe this (not that even knew it then anyhow).......... but, that is the mercy of the Higher Power who is for you. He sees those who want it, and helps them. However faint our 'yes' might be, however much we feel we have no strength left.

    Try writing out what are your particular roadblocks, what's got you into the dark - and then offer it to the Good Forces and invite them to work.

    We were never meant to do this life alone, Gav :)
     
  19. spidy

    spidy Well-Known Member

    I m trying just loosing the battle so tired.Sick and tired of 2 forward and 6 back.Have nowhere to turn as life will be made harder if i show any mental weakness.I m lost trying but loosing and just thinking be easier if it wre all too end and only way that is going to happen if i go.I have no fight left i m really emotionally worn out.as i said before love my angels to bits but i m no good if i m a wreck.Thanks though for your support as ive said just one more thing to do and i m gone.
     
  20. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    You do have some fight left, because you're still here. But I know you're worn out, and you feel like you can't do this anymore. Just please keep trying, don't let go.
     
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