I can't be alone, but I can't be a burden either. Limbo sucks.

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by soapymongoose, Feb 20, 2013.

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  1. soapymongoose

    soapymongoose Well-Known Member

    I'm starting to think some things (or thing, to be exact in my case) aren't fixable. So much to deflect the actual issue, so much to almost 'pretend' to be bothered by. I'm shocked at the times they do bother me, it makes me feel human aka "guilt". I can't lie anymore, but I'm sick to death of hearing my own voice telling people things that saddens them. Sick of anyone who gets close worrying themselves sick about me, sick of ranting seemingly endlessly. Sick of reliving the one thing I can only envisage, never say or write down. Sick of people asking "the wrong questions", sick of responding with "the wrong answers". Sick of being the one with all the problems. Sick of my nature being one of openness (I miss my reclusive early teens/early twenties). Sick of my nurture being dichotomous to what has become my nature. Sick of endless nights wandering through my mind. Sick of not being wasted (it's not even been a week since my big "quit effort". I don't know if I can handle it. Me without drugs is like a ship without a captain). Sick of people, sick of being sick of people. Sick of being sick.

    Not afraid of death, too scared to live. Too guilt ridden to actually do anything about it all.
     
  2. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    I am so sorry you are feeling this way, but I do understand the feeling....I am trying to recreate a life, living with something I cannot fix and I know the struggle...please PM me if I can support you through this...with caring
     
  3. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    sorry hun you are struggling so hugs
     
  4. soapymongoose

    soapymongoose Well-Known Member

    Yeah. Things are difficult right now. I'm here whenever I'm alone these days. Just reading. I don't feel like I can be any use, but in a perverse way it's better to know I'm not "alone".
     
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