I can't be any more disappointed.

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by jenniferelaine, May 22, 2010.

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  1. jenniferelaine

    jenniferelaine Well-Known Member

    My grandpa died yesterday. It was expected (a relief, actually). Cancer, nothing they could ever do.

    I haven't cried over it.

    I became hysterical over what should have been a completely expected reaction. The guy who treated me like crap for three years continues to treat me like crap. He pays lip service to how much he cares about me, but actions never follow.

    And now I'm hating myself. Hating myself for not being upset at the death of my grandpa. Being upset at that idiot instead. Being upset at him at all. Thinking he would actually own up to his lip service.

    Over the past year, I've started using suicide as more and more of an escape fantasy. Sometimes it gets to the point where the only thing that calms me down is thinking about different methods. Today I was crying and screaming so hard I had chest pains, and the only thing that stopped it was ramming the gas (yes, I was driving) and ....well, you can imagine.
  2. isd

    isd Well-Known Member

    "Sometimes it gets to the point where the only thing that calms me down is thinking about different methods."

    i have those exact feelings too, i could have said those exact words some time
  3. Aquarius123

    Aquarius123 Well-Known Member

    We cannot change other people - only ourselves!

    Dear Friend - two points come to mind in connection with your grandpa. The first one is that you are probably not upset about his death because deep down inside you know that he has been released from the Earth plane and the suffering of his physical body. The second point is that in truth there is no death - your grandpa has left his physical body behind and moved into another dimension, that is all! In fact, he has gone home - into the world of spirit, our true home, where everybody eventually returns to, to recover from the stresses and strains of Earth life. And if you were close to him while he was with you on this side, this will continue in his present existence and he will always be there for you should you need his help and advice. Just speak to him in your heart and he will be there.

    For the second part of your quote I need to reach out a bit further, so I hope that you will bear with me. You may have noticed that it is mostly women and children who are found in abusive relationships. Should you ever find yourself pondering on the injustice of life for having been born a woman, take heart. There is no need for women to feel bitter about the dice having been so heavily loaded against them, during past ages or during this one, because the unpleasant residues of the patriarchy – more about this theme in a moment – to this day are lingering in our world. Because life is always fair and just, it has always been the case the in some lifetimes we reincarnate as a woman and during others as a man. Which one we choose depends on the type of experiences we require, at any given time. Life is never unfair or unjust, it merely seeks a balance. That’s why in one lifetime we may find ourselves at the giving end of particularly unpleasant experiences, whereas in others we are at their receiving end, which creates the required balance. Nothing happens without good and wise reason. Whatever we may currently be suffering through the treatment of those around us, we can be sure that we ourselves once created its underlying cause.

    For example, if as a woman we attract violent, cruel and disrespectful men into our life – whilst secretly dreaming of a gallant knight in shining armour, who comes to our rescue – in other lifetimes we ourselves have been treating women badly. What we created then is now coming back to us, as all things must, not as some kind of punishment, but to teach us some vital lessons. That’s why our first requirement is finding forgiveness for ourselves and our perpetrators. This does not mean condoning their behaviour, but if we wish to make any progress, there must eventually dawn the recognition in our consciousness that the whole thing has been nothing but an opportunity for learning from first hand experience, what it feels like to be treated in this manner.

    Because of the mirror effect, before we can hope to draw the person of our dreams into our life, we ourselves first have to change our energies and become the person we would most like to meet, We all have to face up to the fact that any true changes in our world can only take place through everybody’s own willingness to first change their own inner attitudes and perceptions, because that alone can bring about the change of energies we are seeking. For each one of us this lifetime is quite literally a God-sent opportunity to grow in understanding and for learning to love wisely, the way our Creator loves us, totally and unconditionally.

    In the course of many lifetimes, all together we created every bit of the suffering and the evil that ever was in our world and still is with us, now. I am not trying to send anyone – including myself – on unnecessary guilt-trips, but nothing can change the fact that we are all responsible for the state of our world, because we all have taken part in creating it and are therefore equally guilty. Instead of wasting our times on guilt-trips and/or a fault-finding missions – with ourselves and others, we are far better advised to work on finding forgiveness for ourselves and everybody else.

    More than anything else, our present lifetime is a quest for truth and vision for what is good and right now, and not what was thirty, three hundred or three thousand years ago.

    With love and light,
  4. Forgotten_Man

    Forgotten_Man Well-Known Member

    When my grandpa died I did not really cry either. He was my favorite family member... yet i did not shed a tear. I think it is because I expected it, he had cancer too.

    I am sorry you have such a terrible man. You deserve to have someone who does more than just talk. My ex deserved someone who did more than just show...

    Hang in there hun, driving is a very theraputic thing for me as well. I have probably spent close to $600 on gas these past 2 months because I like to drive so much. I don't scream, but I do have imaginary arguments. I talk to myself when I drive. There are many ways to get out your emotions, I am sure you will find another one soon.
  5. Viro

    Viro Well-Known Member

    Mind what people do, not only what they say, for deeds will betray a lie.
  6. Aquarius123

    Aquarius123 Well-Known Member

    Dear Friend – I couldn’t agree more. Words can be cheap and actions always did speak louder than words! Every thought, word and action reveals to the Universe in the form of the wise ones on the higher and highest levels of life who are in charge of us, on an ongoing basis how far we are coping with the task of learning how to conduct lives in accordance with Its laws, especially the law of Karma. In the most simple terms it means that everything we send out into our world must return to us. All of us eventually reach the point where we wake up to these facts of life and once start to obey by these laws, they keys for our destiny are placed into our own hands.

    With love and light,
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