I keep having this horrible freak outs where I don't know what to do with myself or where to go and I'm just fucking confused. Last night I was with some friends and everything was fine... we were walking back to my boyfriend's house to hang out. then all of a sudden when we were halfway there, i decided i didnt want to go anymore. I debated going to this other party that was really far away, but my sister told me I couldn't walk that far by myself. I ended up just going home, and sitting in my house by myself, freaking out and calling my roommates (who were also drunk and didn't give a fuck and didn't want to put up with my bullshit) I felt bad and I don't want to live in my house anymore. Mainly because I can't keep acting like this and turning to my roommates when I know they don't want to deal with it. but I always feel the need to turn to them, and when they dont want to help me it makes it worse. i can't keep doing this to them or myself. last night I was attacking my boyfriend for not being at my house with me even though I was the one who left the group and came back home... he wasn't even aware that I left until later. i told him that he didn't need to stay with me and it wasn't because I was trying to break up with him or trying to get him to break up with me, but I just felt bad that he's in this relationship with me when I'm so unstable and things are so fucked up. I feel bad that he needs to deal with me all the time. I just want to start over... I want to leave everyone I know here and start over completely. I thought about calling a hotline last night but I didn't even know what I would have said to anyone, I had no idea what I wanted. I was just so lost and confused, I have no direction or anything. I don't know how to fix this because I don't know what I want.