I can't believe that I am here again

Discussion in 'Self Harm & Substance Abuse' started by Invisible Child, Jul 21, 2015.

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  1. Invisible Child

    Invisible Child Antiquities Friend

    Possible triggers to follow................................................. I am trying really hard to keep myself from going into a full panic attack. I have done so well for many years to overcome my fear of storms but tonight it is freaking me out. My mind keeps going back to my childhood years when my "parents" would lock me out of the house on the front porch during storms because "God" was going to punish me for being a bad girl. I know that is not true but it was used to hurt me and tonight it is hurting again. I am finding myself wanted to self harm because I am a bad person. Why do I say I am a bad person? Because that is what has been pounded into my head so many times. Being alone in this house is not helping the situation any. There is no one to keep my mind busy, the kids are at friends houses, the husband is gone, the animals are all sleeping and I can't keep my mind off the storm enough to be in the chat room and there is nothing on tv to take my mind off all this. My mind keeps going to I am a bad person and I need to punish myself in some form or another. I do not know how much longer I can fight the thoughts, feelings and urges. Not only am I a bad person, I'm also a failure. :boom: Yep, I feel as if I am about to explode and hope that I do not hurt anyone in the process.
  2. Cicada 3301

    Cicada 3301 Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Im really sorry you were alone when this happened. You're not a bad person and you know that. You said it yourself, you consider yourself to be a bad person because you've been told that you are over and over again. I hope you didnt self harm in the end and hopefully the storms have passed and you can feel a bit more relaxed.
  3. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    I have a fear of storms too and not one ''gets it'' as in understands it, it is my biggest fear thunder and lightning. People often laugh when I say that which I think is cruel.
    I honestly do not know to to overcome this, i hope the storm you had in your area is now gone but i can relate and always feel free to message me about it.
  4. Invisible Child

    Invisible Child Antiquities Friend

    Thank you for your responses. I made it through the storm but not without incident. You are right Petal, no one gets it and I don't think they ever will. If it is just rain I can sleep like a baby but if you add thunder and lighting I freak out. Throw wind into the mix and I totally lose it. I get laughed at for it but until you make fun of me for my fears walk in my shoes. I know I am not a bad person, yes I have made bad choices in my life but I am probably about the gentlest person you will meet. People just need to .... I don't even know anymore. I just give up, I can't constantly continue down this road.

    Sorry for rambling, there are so many thoughts and feelings going through my head that will not calm down.
  5. DrownedFishOnFire

    DrownedFishOnFire Seeing is Believing Forum Pro SF Supporter

    Is it the sound that bother people with fear of storms?
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