I can't believe the idiot I've been

[JB107]

Nearly 8 years since the London 2012 Olympics. I was leaving school. I had a band. We could've made it. I had potential. I could've had many girlfriends. Fit, beautiful girlfriends. But I made one bad decision after another. Now all the girls I went to school with (it's a small town) are married with kids. Life has moved on without me, and I hate myself. I keep thinking "If I'd only have done this, if I'd only have done that". I made some bad decisions and fell in with the wrong crowd. I was bullied at school, and my mother's death in 2017 felt like such an injustice.

I'm bitter, jealous and angry at the world. I don't recognise myself, or my life. I don't know what the fuck's happening. I've become something I swore I would never be. And I feel too resigned to my fate to find the motivation to pull myself back together. I compare myself to everyone, young or old. Everything I used to love I have lost interest in. The fire has gone out, now all I fell is regret. I'm terrified of time. I hate everyone. Everything upsets me, even the TV, and I can't eat. <mod edit> methods </mod edit>

I just have this weird dream I'm travelling the world, over and over, with some fantasy girlfriend, running away from the oppressions of the world.

 

[1964dodge]

i think everyone has past regrets and wonders what if we did this or what if we did that, it's normal. even people that are perfectly happy feel that way sometimes. what has happened in your past can't be changed but your future can be better, even if you have to move out of that small town. set goals to where you want to be in 5 years and do everything you can to get there. i'm sorry that you lost your mom i know how hard that is...mike....

 

[may71]

I had a band. We could've made it. I had potential. I could've had many girlfriends. Fit, beautiful girlfriends

Maybe, but you could have ended up addicted to hard drugs, or met with the same misfortunes that so many other bands that "made it" have.

You might have had a fit girlfriend, only to discover that she cared nothing about you, only your fame. You could have met with the same heartbreak, betrayal, and extremely ugly break up that so many other men with fit girlfriends have.

Maybe you could still be in a band. Maybe you could still have a fit girlfriend. Or maybe you could find something that is better than anything you were ever looking for.

There is a saying, "It is only when we stumble that we find life's treasures". Maybe it be so with you.

 

[may71]

Let's say you had stayed in the band, and it was a great success. You get your fit girlfriend too. Your agent books you for the Manchester Arena, May 22 2017. As you're making your way to the stage, a bomb explodes, killing your fit girlfriend and leaving you paralyzed from the neck down, and in incredible pain. You spend the rest of your life thinking, "If only I hadn't been in this damn band".

 

[Nick]

Hey @JB107 So here's the deal about the past, we can't change it. Now I say that like it's no big deal, but I get where you're coming from because my own mistakes haunt me. The "If only's" and "I should have's" could go on forever. It's not so easy to realize that we have no idea what would have happened or what could have happened. What if A,B and C hadn't happened does that mean we get the happy blissful life we dreamed of? No promises there.

It's easy to be angry and jealous of the people we see who have what we can never have. It doesn't mean we can't have anything though! Find that one thing you want to work for and go for it. Make sure it's realistic though. Give yourself something to look forward to, something in the future to be excited about.

 

[KM76710]

I have more than a few second guesses and regrets. At times in my past also bitterness but that is past. More disappointment and like you what might I have done differently but yes, I have felt for many years that life, possibilities and hopes for the future did pass me by.