I can't breathe

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by Porcelain, Sep 4, 2007.

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  1. Porcelain

    Porcelain Well-Known Member

    I'm sorry
    I'm so sorry
    I don't why I came back here
    You don't need this shit
    I just
    I feel so awful...terrible
    I feel so bad
    and I literally have no one else to tell
    I tried to think of someone or something else
    and there is nothing and no one
    I just came from my friends house
    he is my friend
    But he doesn't understand
    He just doesn't understand
    I tried to show him
    I tried to show him my diary
    And how I felt
    And how eating is not something I can do
    Or enjoy
    And at first he seemed to understand
    But then
    It was like
    All he kept saying was...
    "You're beautiful"
    and touching me
    It doesn't make sense
    If he understands why is he doing that?
    Why does he keep touching me
    I feel repulsive
    disgusting
    fat
    unworthy
    horrible
    I
    make
    me
    want to puke
    I hate me
    When i look in the mirror
    tears spring to my eyes
    He told his friend
    He told his friend
    The one I am practically in love with
    why would he do that?
    They are "concerned" about me?
    What the hell does that mean?
    Oh my god
    I just
    I don't know what the hell I am doing
    I don't know what to do
    Not now
    Not later
    Not tomorrow
    I want everyone and everything to just leave me
    Leave me alone
    Just fuck off and leave me alone
    I am sorry
    I'm sorry
    I didn't know where else to write this
    I don't know
    I don't know anything anymore
     
  2. Vitreledonellidae

    Vitreledonellidae Well-Known Member

    we are always here for you hun
    glad to see you again
    not glad that you feel like this
    but glad you're still here
    you know >.<
    good u tried to talk about it
    sorry he reacted like that
    its hard for people to understand an ed
    know how you feel
    here if you need me :hug:
     
  3. Porcelain

    Porcelain Well-Known Member

    I cant do this
    I cant do it anymore
    I cant
     
  4. Vitreledonellidae

    Vitreledonellidae Well-Known Member

    hun you can do this :sad:
     
  5. Vitreledonellidae

    Vitreledonellidae Well-Known Member

    please dont give up, i know its hard, have you considered therapy or are you already in it? I've heard lots of stories about it and how it will help you, i'm considering it too
     
  6. Porcelain

    Porcelain Well-Known Member

    I can't go to therapy
    I can't talk about this with someone
    that claims to know everything but actually knows nothing at all
    And what do I do?
    If I talk to someone, I become labeled for life.
    If I go and they tell me I have an eating disorder......
    then I'm stuck with that label for life.
    It's not something you can leave behind.
    It'll always be there.
    But if I go and they tell me I don't have an eating disorder.....
    Well......it'll be even worse.
    There'll be no name for what I have.
    And worst of all there'll be no help for me.
    If they tell me that I'm just fine.......
    that I need to suck it up....
    then that means that I have to fix myself.
    It means that I'm at fault.
    It means that there's nothing wrong with me.
    And if there's nothing wrong with me.........
    what am I supposed to fix in order to be happy??
     
  7. Roobear

    Roobear Member

    You fix you, so that you can be healthy inside and out. I felt the same way about therapy, like if the doctor wasn't going through what I was going through than they really did not understand. Finding someone to talk to who is going through the same thing you are may help.

    Realize that your going to need to change the way you see yourself in order to feel better. Instead of focusing on the things you hate about yourself try finding things you like. I know this is such the cliché and I know it's easy to say nothing, but really try and remember a person is never just skin deep. Even if it's something that is small and silly like you can walk up a flight of stairs without falling or you are good at matching colors.

    Make a list if you can and next time you look in the mirror and hate what you see, read from your list of good things. Remember that you are more than what you see and stronger than you look.
     
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