I cant carry on anymore

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Nicki, Dec 30, 2008.

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  1. Nicki

    Nicki Active Member

    On new years day at 3.15am 1995 i lost a little girl when i was 6 months pregnant with her..I never listen to all my friends that told me (at the time) my boyfriend was very violent and he used to rape me alot...They told me that i should leave him but i loved him and was hoping he would change....He didnt, He used to work as a doorman at pub/clubs i had to go everywhere with him...He was working on the doors and because i bloke came up to me to wish me happy new year...my exs at the time didnt do anything,, but when we got home he was a monster hitting my and kicking me i was threw down the stairs,, when the pains started me thought i was joking and raped me at the bottom of the stairs....He knew that i wasnt joking and took me to the hospital, where my little girl had been killed by her father.....

    I left the relationship and later had two great kids with my ex partner that i was with for 9 years...But the relationship didnt work....

    I have a boyfriend now that says he loves me,, i have been with him for almost years now,,,but i find this time of the year really hard,,he knows about my past,,,,but he just shouts at me all the time and snaps at me.. when i go quiet...

    If it wasnt for my kids i would be with my little girl without a second thought...
     
  2. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    If your BF and you have not had a discussion about what his 'loud' behavior triggers in you, please do so...if he is not willing to compromise, would it be time to rethink the relationship??? I am an advocate of repairing and changing to assure that both parties in an intimate relationship are honored and satisfied...the ultimate question is whether you are being treated how you wish to be...and as a post note, no one should be abused in any relationship...this is not love!
     
  3. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    I am sorry to hear you had to go through that horrible abuse. Don't allow it to happen again. If your current bf does not understand what it is you are going through at this time and does little but shout at you, it is still abuse. It may not be the same as it is not physical, but emotional and verbal can be just as harmful. Make sure you are communicating with each other and let him know how his actions are affecting you. If he is willing to work on changing, then help him do so. If not, maybe this relationship is not what is best for you. I would hate to see you hurt again. Your kids need you. :hug:
     
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