Hey Pollo - soory to see you feeling this way.
Sorry to see anyone feel this way - but it happens and I'm not going to act as if its not happened - or say stupid things such as 'pull yourself together' and so on.
You have not had a serious relationship since 2005? At least you've had a serious relationship. With me, two nights would be 'going strong' - or going wrong more like it - as I tend to end up with less than serious relationships.
But - to be honest, I'd not ready to settle down, for longer than a night! Not that I'm complaining! Sometimes it just seems meaningless - like that Alex Harvey song 'Next' in which soldiers line up for the mobile brothel and the cry 'Next!' rings out - making the soldier in the song contemplate his position in the scheme of things - he always knows there will be a next - either way.
I'm rambling now.
As for looking at Facebook, people stage photos for it - many of those happy shiny people are staging it - faking it - and we all fake it to some extent. I mean to say we fake the 'basics' of happiness - we inform people we are "all right" or "OK" when we are far from all-right or ok. However most people do not bother faking it on a big scale - we more fake it so as to not make others feel that bad. I say 'I'm not too bad' because I know lots of peopel are going through real bad times and also putting on a 'brave face'.
Faking it as some kind of social oneupmanship - is wrong. It is also fairly 'see through' as the happy shiny people on Facebook all have perfect lives - perfect relationships - perfect jobs and perfect this and that. I mean IF life was so perfect - would you not just dump Facebook and enjoy that perfect life? lol
In England politeness is embedded into some - a person could be on top of a cliff with a view to jumping - but if a passer-by inquired as to how the person was - he or she would say "I'm doing fine, how is yourself?"
You can go too far!!
Anyhow, plenty of people use Facebook as bragging rights - I've never used it myself - never signed up and do not intend to sign up. I'll meet people as and when I meet them - not have all my past turn up at once which would take up too much time with the obligatory visits, invites and so on.
You say your body image is getting you down - ergo the clothes not fitting. If you think dieting would be good - that is easy to sort out on paper at least. The difficult bit is the motivation to do this because depression often leads us to be less concerned about appearance. I think this hits women more than men as women are more concious about appearance and body image.
But its up to you!
I mean to say, if you think losing a few pounds and maybe dropping two dress sizes to get back into your 'best' figure - go for it! There are tons of diets out there - plus lots of dieting clubs such as Slimming World.
But before you do all that - the main battle is in your own mind - overcoming the negative 'inner voices' and being able to set into motion the positives.
As for your bereavement- my heartfelt sympathy there. I still have my parents but it will not last forever. I just hope yours loved you - and left you with that gift of having been loved. My belated condolences - my prayers also.
I'm sure your parents would have wanted you to carry on with life. In my faith I believe we will be reunited one day but suicide would not hasten the process any quickly than it might if you just lived and died of natural causes or maybe a meteorite dropping on your head making you famous in the internet list of top ten unusual deaths!
I hope you have a sense of humour still there. Sometimes we lose it for a while, especially with bereavement but it will come back - and it would not be in any way wrong.
I just hope and pray you get some help also - I know this is ongoing but know that what you are doing is a positive thing in that you want help.
Regards, God Bless and/or Good luck.
