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I can't climb this mountain ... There's no reason why

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by WwariosS, Dec 29, 2015.

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  1. WwariosS

    WwariosS New Member

    I am a 17 year old male from Morocco. I'm in my final highschool year.I have been diagnosed by many therapists as a sociopath. I have attempted to commit suicide more than once. My first time was when I was ten years old and it wasn't because of depression. Many people tried to "help" me or sympathize with me. I've heard it hundreds of times : "You matter to me....I care....I love you....you are not worthless" .... But like I said, it doesn't cause the expected reaction inside my brain.
    I tried suicide at only ten years old because I had felt that my life was meaningless and my efforts are futile.
    Now many great thinkers suggest to accept that fate and live our life to the fullest and be our own gods, but there comes the problem : I have nothing worth experiencing.
    I have tried following my wishes and impulses from becoming an artist to intentionally trying to <mod edit - methods>, to killing, and I've found them all boring. I have only killed animals though. You can shame me all you want for doing it, but my therapists would advise you to save your breath. But rest assured, i won't kill again or stand on the verge of death : it's boring.
    How can I free myself from the toxic corporate slave lifestyle that awaits me if i have nothing to strive for? School has killed my imagination, depression has impraired my creativity, and my parents refused to get me any sort of help, and called my depression and suicidal thoughts "a form of procrastination" and told me to "shake it off" and get back in the matrix. (by the way i sought help behind their backs)
    If I was normal i wouldve already freed myself. I wouldve been a writer or a youtuber or a videogame artist. But that doesn't generate enough "happy" juices in my brain. I think that there's nothing left to think about. It's simple logic : I am one of the rare people who aren't destined to like anything. But I don't think that i want to die just yet because i came here. But i can debate myself into it easily, emotions don't affect my judgement.
    Last edited by a moderator: Dec 30, 2015
  2. True-Lee

    True-Lee Well-Known Member

    WwariosS, I am sorry for all the trials that you probably have been put through, I do understand what you are saying as much as I don't like to admit that thought! I am sorry as well that the Diagnosis has been accepted both by them and yourself, I am not going to judge you about the animals or anything that you may do. I do accept what you say, I certainly cannot imagine that you would make up a situation like this! I am surprised that no one else has spoken to you today or have not yet spoken to you, you are certainly lucid, speak clearly and do appear to know what you are talking about! I have spoken to this same problem with someone else recently, They were looking for some help or at least some understanding of their problems and issues, I have not heard if there has been anything that has been decided on his situation.

    I do want to Welcome you here, this is a very supportive community that you have joined, We offer support care, and often times someone to talk to or to just listen, if that is what you want The people that are here are all survivors of one sort of another, such as Depression, attempts at Suicide as well as many others forms of mental illness. We, the people here care about you, You now are a member of this community , This Forum is here for people like you, me as well, we are not experts or professionals, we are just like you, we are trying to survive and we are trying to help others survive. We are here for You, to help where we are able! to support where we may to provide knowledge in the way of the Forum where hundreds of people with other Ideas,solutions and methods have been gathered for your use in reading and learning or just understanding problems better! This is for your use to learn if that is what you wish or to share or just listen to others in here.come in and discover on your own or ask for help, someone is always here! Someone is always here For You!
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