I need change. I desperately need change. There are so many things I want to change but they always seem to backfire on me. For example, I want to be thinner, I need to be thinner, smaller. But I always end up bingeing. Everytime I eat I can feel myself putting on the pounds. There is only one thing I can control in my life and that is my death. I can't control my self harm because I do it when the time isn't right and it's always way too spontaneous. I do it simply because I can. Death. My death, is the one thing I have control over. I hate this world, I don't want to be a part of it why should I be forced to be a part of something I don't want to be a part of it doesn't make any sense.