I can't deal with this anymore

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Sailor_Saturn, Sep 2, 2011.

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  1. Sailor_Saturn

    Sailor_Saturn Active Member

    On July 16th, 2011 I was pushed down and attacked by a bully for no apparent reason that knew me in high school. We(Mom and I) pressed charges but haven't heard from the cop since. Then, on August 1st, 2011, the area around where the injury had occured became red and inflamed. Mom took me to the hospital and they wanted to hook me up to an I.V., but because of my SEVERE phobia of needles, I wouldn't let them. I was then given oral antibiotics to take but they never worked at all, and kept being prescribed various kinds of oral antibiotics to take but they haven't been working. Then, on Wednesday August 31st, 2011, they decided they wanted to do an I.V. but I freaked out an they gave me an Ativan pill but the pill didn't work at all. My mom knows about my severe phobia of needles and about she even got our family doctor to type up this note explaining about my phobia to any doctor that tries to give me a needle. They ended up doing an ultrasound on my arm and decided that since the fluid in my arm was going down(that's the reason we went to the hospital in the first place, the fluid was so built up in my left arm it made it very big and even made my hand swollen). On the way home from the hospital, mom kept calling me a wimp and saying that she hopes I rot in hell since that's where I belong apparently. She claims she understands about my phobia and I have tried relaxation techniques but they don't work, no matter how often I try them. Anyway she is still teling me I'm nothing but a burden to her life and she wishes she never had me(she planned to have me) but she has not apologized for what she said at all. She NEVER apologizes. She thinks she's the exception to the rules when it comes to apologizing and such. She even stayed with a guy who drew a picture of me with my head sliced off and he put my name under the picture so I knew it was me yet she stayed with him(This was back in 2005, they broke up later in 2005 for a different reason). I have no where to go, no friends I can turn to, no relatives, since they are all far away from me, nothing. I am making an attempt tonight and hopefully it will work (which I doubt). I'm sick of all of this shit and she refuses to listen to my side of things, I tried suggesting we get a relationship counsellor but she won't agree, apparently it's all my fault even though I'm not the one who instigates it and I DO try to explain why I feel what I feel, but she just tells me to shut the fuck up.
     
  2. In a Lonely Place

    In a Lonely Place Well-Known Member

    Don't go attempting suicide because your mum has no feeling for you,you've got your whole life ahead of you to be happy.my parents were crap but you only have to spend a small part of your life with them thank god. Unfortunately until your old enough to move out you just have to put up with them. Just gotta hang in there x
     
  3. peacelovingguy

    peacelovingguy Well-Known Member

    Hey Sailor Saturn - sorry to see you so down.

    I had a phobia of needles after getting stuck by a drug users needle - and I know its a tough one to deal with. Being a wimp has nothing to do with it - every has a REAL fear - might be silly to some but to us its real and people need to understand that.

    Sorry you got attacked by this bully - and do not take it personal - I've had many run ins with bullies - I mean, I'll bully them. So chill out this bully has someone like me to deal with in future. Or 20 of us.

    Don't ruminate over your mums bad choice with this guy. she got rid of him so it happens. She must get lonely and not sure how long she has been single. I know its hard for a son or daughter to accept a relationship sometimes - and if this guy drew a pic of you with a severed head - lets just say he sounds more messed up than every guy on this board put together!

    And that is some mess - right guys? lol

    Please bear in mind it is hard for you to maybe get along with mum right now - but please understand that her knowledge of counsellors, depression and so on is very limited indeed.

    I just hope that you do not make any attempt tonight - you got to be careful because problems we have now are not permanent and suicide is not just a permanent solution for problems - it is the end of whatever happiness we might find on this planet.

    Hope this is helpful.

    Maybe living with your mum - you both kind of blow off steam with each other - and people do actually get that way - loved ones can really have a go at each other - this is natural and not a problem IF both parties recognise that life is not all sweetness and roses.

    There are exceptions.

    I'm all sweetness and roses.

    And a liar!

    So I hope your relationship with your mom gets better - and its not easy for her also I guess - and we can say cruel things when we are down - so do apologise for them.

    Hope you choose to grab some sleep and wake up tomorrow which at least gives you options. Options after death - nobody can wade in and tell us with any definitive answers what they might be - but all agree that it won't be another life here.

    This is the only one we have here.

    And it is actually short.

    I'm 46 - seems like yesterday when I was 16 really.

    Anyhow - things get better.

    Good luck - regards and my best wishes and prayers also.
     
  4. Sailor_Saturn

    Sailor_Saturn Active Member

    Well thanks for all your support but this has been going on since October 2009(it's been constant since then), and I am not perfect, I do tell lies, I admit that. Anyway, what I posted was no lie, it was the whole story.
     
  5. peacelovingguy

    peacelovingguy Well-Known Member

    Nobody is perfect - we are all flaws - and if we have depression we have to lie to survive the everyday life that goes on - we hide things but not for bad reasons.

    2009 is a long time - but how long do you think you will live with your mom?

    What about school or education - or plans for work?

    Nobody here is doubting your account of what happened sailor saturn!

    We accept you here and never call anyone a liar!

    So chill out on that - and hope your evening is a bit better and you choose to stick around and see what tomorrow brings!
     
  6. Sailor_Saturn

    Sailor_Saturn Active Member

    I can't get a job due to personal reason and don't have any friends to go with, and she's the only family I got so I'm stuck with her.
     
  7. madeline

    madeline Member

    Hey Sailor Saturn :hugs:

    I'm sorry you had to hear you mother say such awful things to you. It can be heart-wrenching to hear that from anyone especially a parent. If you ever want to talk, you can talk to me anytime. we're here for you.
     
  8. Sailor_Saturn

    Sailor_Saturn Active Member

    Thanks for all of your support, I had also told her that day that I believe I have Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder and told her why and said that was pure bullshit. Why would I make something like that up? Anyway yesterday I went and got two books on Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder, neither she knows about, and one is a workbook that I work on wheneverI can (when she's not around or gone to bed).
     
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