I can't decide whether I should live or die.

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by SilentMassacre, Jan 13, 2009.

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  1. So, I'm contemplating suicide. I'm not even on the extreme idealizations as usual. I'm just thinking of taking every pill that I can find to swallow and going to sleep. I feel even worse for feeling this way because I could be in a worse situation than the one that I am in, and it's the most selfish thing that I could do. I am sixteen and I have tried suicide numerous times. I tried for the first time at about age four when I ran out in front of a bus. The last time I tried was in May. I took an overdose, but it only made me black out a few times before I ended up in a psychiatric hospital. At that point, I took two overdoses in the course of three days, but I do not remember all that I took. I had tried about two or three months prior to that, too. I turned sixteen in July. Before those two incidents, I got drunk and took a huge overdose on sleeping pills and anti-psychotic medication on my fourteenth birthday. I ended up blacking out in a fetal position near a toilet and I eventually woke up, dazed and confused.
    I'm torn between taking another overdose, jumping off of the bridge, and just going to sleep. I wish I could wake up tomorrow and have my entire life be a dream.
  2. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    Hi Silent...have you tried expressing how you feel to ppl who understand...find someone here and see if you can establish a relationship that helps you...I know first hand what it feels like to be 'ready to go', but through the help of dear friends both here and in RL, and through treatment, I am here and in the world...please PM me if I can be there for you...big hugs, J
  3. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    Hi SM,
    You need to stop OD'ing all you doing is messing up your liver and kidneys. Meds now adays aren't designed to kill you.
    Why at such a young age are you wanting to give up so easy? There is a whole world out there for you to explore. I can remember back when I was thirteen I tried to commit and almost succeeded. I just wanted to be an adult so I could go and do things. Being thirteen sucked because it seemed like life was just dragging and I would never make it to adult hood.
    Now I am fifty two and wish I was thirteen again!! Being an adult isn't all fun and games it comes with alot of responsibility. Enjoy life while you are still young!! If you need to talk one on one you can PM me anytime, I will listen to you!!~Joseph~
  4. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    Did it ever occur to you that your attempts were meant not to be successful? They failed for a reason. It is not your time to go. Do you know what is driving your suicidal thoughts? Maybe if you can get to the root of them, you can learn to deal with them.
  5. Mightbehere

    Mightbehere Well-Known Member

    Your still very young. I am not sure where you are but have you tried any sort of government assistance for your various issues.
    Last edited by a moderator: Jan 14, 2009
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