i cant do anything right!!

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Landlocked blues, Mar 16, 2010.

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  1. Landlocked blues

    Landlocked blues Well-Known Member

    i probably shouldnyt be letting this get me down but it is. i try helping ppl and it only ends up making them feel worse!! im such a loser. good for nothing.
  2. Sapphire

    Sapphire Well-Known Member

    This is probably a stupid question but...are you referring to helping people here on SF? If so, I know how it feels. You're certainly not the only one who's "failed" at helping people. I mean the people here have HUGE problems. It's just difficult. Don't be so hard on yourself.
  3. Landlocked blues

    Landlocked blues Well-Known Member

    but i want to help and i always make it worse. i always try but it just blows up in my face!
    you can tell what a loser i am as i have had alot of people view my thread and no one replies. im just a loser. a waste of space. i hate myself
  4. As somebody who is going through a tough time right now, I can say that the fact that you care enough to try to help is really appreciated.
  5. Acy

    Acy Mama Bear - TLC, Common Sense Staff Member Safety & Support


    Lots of times a lot of people will read threads and not reply. It's not because the OP is a loser. People don't reply for a lot of reasons...it hits too close to home, they don't know what to say and so they say nothing, they are reading it at a time when they don't have enough time for a proper reply...

    I don't think you're a loser, I think you're a person who is hurting and feels pretty down yourself.

    What makes you think you're not helping? Are there any specific examples that you can share? (Btw, you likely help more than you realize. Sometimes when we try to help others, they need to think about what we suggested before they understand what we meant.)

    Thinking of you...:hug:
  6. Landlocked blues

    Landlocked blues Well-Known Member

  7. Sapphire

    Sapphire Well-Known Member

    And you still call yourself a loser... :huh: It dun add up luv. lol You're not a loser. Take it from me. :)

    Well, you know, maybe the people who saw this thread didn't know what to say, or how to put it into words etc. And you only posted it shortly ago. Many threads are viewed often before someone comes around who replies.
  8. Sapphire

    Sapphire Well-Known Member

    Exactly! :)
  9. Landlocked blues

    Landlocked blues Well-Known Member

    i know i dont help, and whats more, i just make it worse! 5 years ago my best mate wanted to talk because he felt down and i was too busy. the next day his mate rang me saying he hung himself. and now its happening all over again with people on here
  10. Please don't stop trying to help. People need it and the words do work, otherwise this site would not be here, I'm sure.

    I can relate to how you feel guilty about your friend. A few years ago a friend of my brother's called while my brother was out of town. He just wanted somebody to talk to. I was drunk, as usual at the time, and didn't remember who he was, though we had hung out a few times. We had good conversations when we hung out and I was looking forward to becoming better friends with him. He tried reminding me of who he was and I couldn't place him...

    A week or so later his parents found him dead, hanging in his closet. I;ve never gotten over the guilt that I had an opportunity to help and didn't. The only thing in the world he wanted when he called was somebody to talk to about his problems.
  11. Landlocked blues

    Landlocked blues Well-Known Member

    im sorry about your friend. do you think you'll ever get over it?
  12. I should correct what I said. I have gotten over it a little bit by talking to some people, but I think I will always carry some of the guilt with me. That's why even though I have my own problems, I try to help whenever I can. You are doing great work by showing that you care.
  13. Bambi

    Bambi Well-Known Member

    Hey Sam I don't me to assume anything and rarely say this but I FEEL EXACTLY like you do. I don't know if you saw my thread in Crisis but I really feel like I made someone worse when I was trying so hard to help. You should go read my thread because I got some great replies that really put things in perspective for me. One poster said that things may have been a lot worse if it were not for my caring and the same can be said of you...you have no idea what you have saved others from and your love and caring is a gift that has far reaching effects.

    Please know that your words have a healing effect and your caring mends wounds whether it is readily apparent or not.

    Please feel free to write if you would like to, I know how you feel on this one that is for sure.

    Big hugs Bambi
  14. Acy

    Acy Mama Bear - TLC, Common Sense Staff Member Safety & Support

    Sam, I'm sorry you've lost a friend that way. It's so sad. It wasn't your fault. We aren't always in the right place with enough time to give to others. It doesn't mean we've failed. At most, it means the person needed something we couldn't offer them at that point. That doesn't make others' decisions and the end results our fault. Your friend made a choice to attempt to end his life, and, sadly, he succeeded. He might have done the same even if he had spoken to you. Please don't take on guilt for his suicide.

    The same goes for the people you know here. As a suicide forum, we're going to have members who need support, but no one can be available ALL the time for anyone else.

    Lots of people here are hurting so much they can't escape their own pain to even "want to help." As someone pointed out earlier, you DO WANT to help; and, that, in itself, makes you a winner, not a loser. :arms:
  15. Sapphire

    Sapphire Well-Known Member

    I'm so sorry for your loss. That is so difficult to deal with.

    I'll share this with you: I have a friend who is now suicidal. He's unhappy and is almost certain his life will never change for the better. Many times, he has called me because he was feeling low and wanted to talk.

    So we did.

    We talked for hours during which I gave him tons and tons of advice. I gave him tips on how to change his attitude, I told him some things that helped me get out of my depression, I tried to make him feel better etc. etc. I talked and talked and talked and talked... And he tried to commit suicide fairly recently, regardless of it all.

    Nothing I said changed the things in his life that are making him want to kill himself.

    Having said that, there's no real saying what would have happened had you talked to him. Maybe you could have helped your friend feel better momentarily. Maybe he then wouldn't have killed himself on the day that he did. But the fact that he actually succeeded in ending his life sheds light on just how troubled he was. And that makes me doubt you could have really said anything to exclude the possibility of him ultimately taking his life.

    But this is just me thinking out loud...I don't know if any of this is of any use to you in any way...and if I was out of line I sincerely apologize.
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