I can't do it anymore

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Failure, Oct 6, 2015.

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  1. Failure

    Failure Well-Known Member

    I don't know why i'm posting this. I never do on this site. I have fallen into depression once again. Actually, it never really goes away. So I guess it has just become a lot worse. I want to kill myself, but I know that I will fail. I do not have anything that will kill me instantly. I cannot go on like this. I can't eat, I can't sleep, I can't speak properly, I can't think properly - I can't function. All I can do is listen to music and stare into nothingness. I'm not talking to anyone about my problems. I already have and they don't help, they just tell me everything I already know. I am too much of a burden, I will not find another person to tell my problems to because I know that I will just lose them. I deserve to die. I don't care what happens to me. I don't care if people hate me because of how I am. I don't care that I can't function properly. I don't care that I have no one to go to. I only care that I die when I attempt. I am not going to a hospital for help, I don't have the money and I'm not covered. I'm not going to a mental ward, because of the same reason. I just. Want. It. To. End.
     
  2. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Hi there, I spoke to my sister yesterday about things I was feeling (dark things) she said she wished she could help me but didn't know how so maybe that is the same for the people around you? That they DO care but don't know how to help. Out of all things that you think could help you, what do you think that would be?
    I am glad you posted here and got your thoughts out,it can help and I hope it did.
     
  3. storm

    storm Well-Known Member

    You do NOT deserve to die. What could you have possibly done to make you deserve that? Life is incredibly hard for people that suffer from depression. Trust me, I know. But it can also be really beautiful. You feel more deeply and love more deeply... What i do when i'm really depressed is load up my iPod with tons of music and go for long walks in nature. Just to feel the wind on my face and trees around me. It helps me feel alive in a good way when I'm stuck feeling like I don't WANT to be alive. Try it. If it doesn't help, no harm done but if it does that would be great :)
     
  4. True-Lee

    True-Lee Well-Known Member

    I know why you are posting it, I am sorry that you feel the way you do, I have been suffering from depression for so long, I don't want to think about it, I am and have been through what you are talking about, I have heard all the answers as well as the questions so many have for people suffering from depression. I believe that you will find each one of us feels we are unique and different from everyone else, we all are suffering no matter the reason! I can not function, I have a hard time Sleeping, I too have felt I am a burden, I still think I am!

    You do however not deserve to die! I don't hate you because of how you are, I can Identify with how you are, I feel how you feel just the same. I do not have money either, you have one thing I do not have, you have Music, I use to sing, I loved to sing, I sang all of the time, I have records I have cassette tapes, I have hundreds of CD's maybe thousands upon thousands of songs, I have one computer full of almost 200 G of music, I do not listen to any now, I have some music that I play with all songs of Love and beauty and How I feel about this one person, I do not listen to it because it makes me cry! I am depressed, We are here as you know for you! I don't want you to leave, There are other things to see there are other places to visit, there are other people out there to meet,
    I am waiting For another song, I might want to sing again! Please stick around, there might be a person out here someplace that would like to hear what you have to say!
     
  5. Failure

    Failure Well-Known Member

    Thanks everyone for replying. It's gotten worse today. I'm getting better at hiding it and it is scaring me. I seriously don't know what I want to hear from people when I tell them my problems. They just tell me that it will pass and I should just give it some time, and that I should look after myself. But I can't. I have been waiting for too long. My three failed attempts were small compared to what I think of doing in my head. I don't exactly have a date and time, but I know my time will be soon. I'm not sure if that scares me or if I am relieved.
     
  6. Failure

    Failure Well-Known Member

    Thanks everyone for replying. It's gotten worse today. I'm getting better at hiding it and it is scaring me. I seriously don't know what I want to hear from people when I tell them my problems. They just tell me that it will pass and I should just give it some time, and that I should look after myself. But I can't. I have been waiting for too long. My three failed attempts were small compared to what I think of doing in my head. I don't exactly have a date and time, but I know my time will be soon. I'm not sure if that scares me or if I am relieved.
     
  7. na-taya

    na-taya Well-Known Member

    I understand you and where you are coming from, I know how it feels to always hide how much you are really falling apart inside....I wish that you didn't have to feel this way about yourself you don't deserve it.... I hope that things become easier for you soon and can find another way to keep going. All the best
     
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