I can't do it anymore

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by AngelofPainandMisery, Oct 7, 2015.

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  1. AngelofPainandMisery

    AngelofPainandMisery Fails to communicate effectively

    I can't take the pain anymore, I am so tired of the disappointments, I am so tired of making mistakes that I can never fix or that I never realize I've made until it's too late. I don't understand what I'm doing wrong, I have no idea how or what to do right, "be yourself" is terrible advice, no one want to see that person, not friends, family, no one, that person is too repulsing and boring. I can't focus on anything, it hurts to breathe, I feel no pain, I feel outside myself, I have no desire for food, I can barely function.
    I have nothing to look forward to except more stress, uncertainty, and more humiliation. It is not going to "get better" I've wished and hoped and tried in vain for years, I know it won't get better, but I've desperately wanted to be proved wrong, but I never have been. I'm always right on the things I don't want to be right about, and always wrong on the things I want to be right about, but who cares what I want, it's not important. I won't be missed, no one is really going to care.
    I'll be breaking a promise but screw it, its not like they cared much anyways, otherwise I wouldn't be in this position now. I can't live with myself, I hate every part of who I am. I am revolted by my appearance, I have absolutely no "good" personality qualities, I can't do anything right, I'm boring and disgusting and too weird and strange- just tooo different. I can never be anything more than what I am, I'll always be less.
    I am so tired of wishing and hoping, it is completely useless, nothing will change, no one wants to listen, no one wants to care, I don't know what I'm doing wrong, I don't know what I'm supposed to do. In the past, I'd always think "what it." What if I don't die and something good happens? What if I can find a friend in the future and it would be a mistake to end it all? All of these are just stupid I want this to happen but I know it never will, nothing will change and there is nothing I can do about it, there is no one that would want to help or care about me in the capacity that I would do for someone else in my position. But I already know I'm not that important, even if that was (which would be impossible) to happen I wouldn't deserve it, there are others out there worse off than I am ,they deserve it more. And again, even if it was to happen, they'd eventually abandon and give up on me for their own sake or because of just what I am, or they'd just declare that I don't want help.
    There just is no way out.
     
  2. AngelofPainandMisery

    AngelofPainandMisery Fails to communicate effectively

    I don't why I wasted my time posting this, I just won't say anything next time.
    I'm not sure why I'm wasting time posting anything on here period, its not like I can do anything right obviously.
     
  3. na-taya

    na-taya Well-Known Member

    I'm so sorry I don't have the words to comfort you right now or to offer support, I just know that you should.never have.to feel.this way at all, you seem to have a lot of self hatred that you shouldn't have about yourself you but I also understand how hard it can be to break self hatred. I'm sorry you are struggling so much
     
  4. AngelofPainandMisery

    AngelofPainandMisery Fails to communicate effectively

    It's ok, just thank you for reading, taking the time to type a response, and your kind words. :)
     
  5. AngelofPainandMisery

    AngelofPainandMisery Fails to communicate effectively

    I feel exactly like this right now again, but eh, what does it matter.
     
  6. na-taya

    na-taya Well-Known Member

    I'm sorry you feel this way again, you don't deserve it at all, I wish I could take all the doubt about yourself away from you, but unfortunately I don't have.that power....I wish I had more words to offer you but am finding it hard myself recently. Take care and.try be kind to yourself
     
  7. AngelofPainandMisery

    AngelofPainandMisery Fails to communicate effectively

    It's ok thank you :)
    I know its hard, but thank you.
     
  8. ToLaughAgainSomeDay

    ToLaughAgainSomeDay SF Supporter

    I understand a lot of where you are coming from. I haven't had an appetite in over a week. I force myself to eat small bits here and there just because I know I need to but much more than that and I feel nauseous. Today I've had a banana and two sticks of string cheese, and I'm normally a person with a huge appetite, and I also work out on a daily basis and typically stick to a very strict diet. My body is used to eating 6 or 7 meals a day but after my last breakdown, I can't bring myself to eat much of anything.

    Just do not feel alone. I don't have much more to say than I hope today was a better day for you, and they continue to improve. Do your best to nourish your body. It's hard and can make you feel sick but I know from experience the toll is much larger to forego the food. I will try my best right along with you
     
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