I can't take the pain anymore, I am so tired of the disappointments, I am so tired of making mistakes that I can never fix or that I never realize I've made until it's too late. I don't understand what I'm doing wrong, I have no idea how or what to do right, "be yourself" is terrible advice, no one want to see that person, not friends, family, no one, that person is too repulsing and boring. I can't focus on anything, it hurts to breathe, I feel no pain, I feel outside myself, I have no desire for food, I can barely function. I have nothing to look forward to except more stress, uncertainty, and more humiliation. It is not going to "get better" I've wished and hoped and tried in vain for years, I know it won't get better, but I've desperately wanted to be proved wrong, but I never have been. I'm always right on the things I don't want to be right about, and always wrong on the things I want to be right about, but who cares what I want, it's not important. I won't be missed, no one is really going to care. I'll be breaking a promise but screw it, its not like they cared much anyways, otherwise I wouldn't be in this position now. I can't live with myself, I hate every part of who I am. I am revolted by my appearance, I have absolutely no "good" personality qualities, I can't do anything right, I'm boring and disgusting and too weird and strange- just tooo different. I can never be anything more than what I am, I'll always be less. I am so tired of wishing and hoping, it is completely useless, nothing will change, no one wants to listen, no one wants to care, I don't know what I'm doing wrong, I don't know what I'm supposed to do. In the past, I'd always think "what it." What if I don't die and something good happens? What if I can find a friend in the future and it would be a mistake to end it all? All of these are just stupid I want this to happen but I know it never will, nothing will change and there is nothing I can do about it, there is no one that would want to help or care about me in the capacity that I would do for someone else in my position. But I already know I'm not that important, even if that was (which would be impossible) to happen I wouldn't deserve it, there are others out there worse off than I am ,they deserve it more. And again, even if it was to happen, they'd eventually abandon and give up on me for their own sake or because of just what I am, or they'd just declare that I don't want help. There just is no way out.