God dammit. I wrote my letters, cleaned my room... i understand that it will be best if i kill myself but i cant man up. The method is quick and not even that scarry but... i cant. The thought of my brother comming home after work and finding my body, and seeing my painfully twisted, blue face... on the other hand, he'll get over it... i wont.
Then i started thinking, where will i go after i die? What if i reincarnate? What if this shit decides to haunt me in my next life... i already feel a thousand years old... what if reincarnation is real?
Such a stupid reason to pussy out.... i know. And everyone on the internet is like, "oh, you poor pesant, suicide is cowardice!" Makes me want to die even more.
And then i got high and obviously chilled out, still thinking about all the things that could go wrong. Maybe, dying isnt even as bad as doing it and being rescued somehow... then spending the rest of my life paralysed.... i need a different method.
God... im just so.... freaking.... tired....let me die. I cant take my own life, even tho that is all I want. All i have wanted for years.
Then i started thinking, where will i go after i die? What if i reincarnate? What if this shit decides to haunt me in my next life... i already feel a thousand years old... what if reincarnation is real?
Such a stupid reason to pussy out.... i know. And everyone on the internet is like, "oh, you poor pesant, suicide is cowardice!" Makes me want to die even more.
And then i got high and obviously chilled out, still thinking about all the things that could go wrong. Maybe, dying isnt even as bad as doing it and being rescued somehow... then spending the rest of my life paralysed.... i need a different method.
God... im just so.... freaking.... tired....let me die. I cant take my own life, even tho that is all I want. All i have wanted for years.