i cant do nothing right anymore

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by White Dove, Jul 10, 2007.

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  1. White Dove

    White Dove Well-Known Member

    God i cant do nothing right anymore...

    im sorry , i am so sorry ...

    i did not mean for that to appear as as something it wasnt.. maybe it was worded wrong .. it took me 3 hours to write that.. it was a plea.. a simple plea to someone that i hurt.. that may have gotten the chance to have read it but now they wont..

    i cant do nothing right.. my life is just a wasted useless life that deserves nothing.. thats all i am is nothing..

    im sorry... to those who felt it was a suicide note , im truly sorry , it was not that . it was a dying plea because i have cancer and may not live longer..

    i cant handle this.. my tears wont stop . im sorry .

    God im so sorry...
     
  2. ace

    ace Well-Known Member

    Oh Wd please dtop blaming yourself I feel so sad listening to what you're saying,I'm so sorry I really am.:sad:
     
  3. Passion

    Passion Well-Known Member

    aw dont be sad its okay. i'd give you a hug if I could.
     
  4. expressive_child

    expressive_child Well-Known Member

    White Dove,

    I am not sure how you are feeling right now. You sound real depressed yesterday and I understand why. About the links I PM you yesterday, I hope you think about it because I guess that is what I can think of right now. I am not sure if there are any other ways but I know you would love to know what happened, I know what its like to wonder about something that you didn't know and that feeling hurts a lot.

    Its like you are facing the consequences of something you aren't sure of and don't even know how does it happen exactly. I definitely believe you have done nothing wrong so don't blame yourself anymore. Until the truth is known, nobody is to be blamed but then as for David and Elaine, I still can't understand why they can't forgive you or even call or visit you. Well, I hope they realize soon how unfair it is treating you like this.

    Hope to hear from you, I will be feeling so much better to know that you are ok. I wish I can come to you and comfort you now, but knowing that is not possible, I just hope you will feel better and I am with you as always.
     
  5. White Dove

    White Dove Well-Known Member

    Right now my feelings are kind of mixed.. I am in hard physical pain and just took 2 ibuprofen pills that are 800 mg each so thats about 1600 mg but i dont think it is helping much... It never seems to help ease this pain...

    As to my emotional state i am depressed , hurting and sad , at the same time... I dont know what is going to happen tomorrow or the next day... I dont know how im going to handel much anymore...

    As to the minister and his wife.. dont blame them cause i probably deserve it or more.. i dont want to hurt them anymore or their names at all cause i honestly and truly do love them... i just need an explanation as to why and what occured to ease my heart and mind so that i can pass away in peace...

    What is so scary is that this is real.. this is the real deal.. this is my real fate.. no joke .. no lie ... no kidding around.. It is death that awaits me in a few months and no matter how much i want that to not be so it can not change.. There is nothing i can do about it.. my fate is sealed.. my life is over rather i want it to be or not.. chances are i will never see another christmas nor another new year...

    as to them not calling or even visiting.. they wanted me out of their lives and i will grant them that... They want nothing to do with me and whatever happened i guess i can not blame them and i dont want anyone here to blame them either.. i love them.. i love them both so much and would like to see them before i pass on.. i would like to let them know just how deeply it hurts me .. how deeply it hurts my heart knowing that i hurt them and let my niece hurt them.. when i let her do that i was just as guilty of it... and i will take the blame for it.. for all of it whatever it may have been...

    the feeling i have inside that it was something really bad is tearing me apart inside.. it had to have been bad why else would they hate me so much? My heart needs to be at peace and so does my mind .. my time is running out.. And its not funny anymore.. Its no a joke .. I am dying and theres not a dang thing i can do to stop it.. nothing the doctors can do... all i can do is give up and die...

    i am afraid my fears are going to come true.. i will never see them again... i will not be able to put my heart and mind at ease before i pass away... My worst fear and worst enemy is putting me in the ground... Cancer...

    This is the truth and is very real and i am scared.. scared that i will pass on into eternity without ever getting to make things right with the minister and his wife.. scared that my heart and mind will not be as ease and that it will hinder me from going into heaven which i so much want to go to....

    so much heartache for me right now..

    i dont know how i can fight it anymore... i am not that strong... I am weak.. Very weak... and afraid of the days ahead of me.. Afraid of the days of me laying in a bed... Afraid of everything.. but most of all afraid of God... Afraid to face him if my mind and heart are not put at ease...

    sorry for the long reply...




     
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