I can't do this anymore! -warning-

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by ~Heather~, Oct 4, 2010.

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  1. ~Heather~

    ~Heather~ Well-Known Member

    I can't understand why my family hates me so much. I'm not sure if I'm a scape goat for them and they just don't care, or if I did something wrong and they enjoy seeing me hurt! If my brother did something wrong like leave a dish in the sink it's over looked, he runs up the phone bill and doesn't pay even half of it and no one gave it a second thought. But holy crap my boyfriend left a piece of paper on the table!

    I get blamed for my dad cheating on my stepmom, I get blamed for the rest of the family finding out, my father disowns me and my biological brother changed sides for some random reason.
    I can't stop thinking about what I did wrong and I can't find the answer. I try so hard for them to accept me unconditionally the way a parent should. My dad only loves me when he's completely drunk. They've taken away everything that has ever made me happy. They took what I needed. I have nothing left.
    My friends are gone and boyfriend only seems to do things to make it worse. I don't want to blame him but I get in trouble for everything he does.

    I can't burden them anymore! They already want nothing to do with me. I seem in the way and whatever I did wrong I obviously can't fix. I feel like a terrible person no matter what I do. I really try so hard. No one wants to see it.

    No one but my boyfriend knows that I'm like this. He only knows because he's caught me several times. He is the only thing that stops me, but I told him to leave for a while. I have the means and no one to stop me. I'm not sure I will hesitate this time.... I have nothing left...

    I'm so sorry if I'm wasting your time. I just need someone to have known what I've been feeling before I no longer have the chance.
  2. dreams4life

    dreams4life Well-Known Member

    Heather, You are not wasting our time. You can open up your feelings here. I am sorry that you are facing lots of problems. To live is your choice. Don't let others take away that right from you. Don't let problems dictate an end to your joy. Open up your feelings. We are here for you.
  3. ~Heather~

    ~Heather~ Well-Known Member

    Thank you.... I'm just so confused. I don't know whether I should try leaving them behind or getting along.
    I don't have anyone to talk to about this without being demonized all over again! I never get to tell people how I feel because it's wrong.

    I feel so alone I don't understand why I want a loving family so badly.
  4. Borrowed time*

    Borrowed time* Well-Known Member

    I know how you feel
    My family also dont want anything to do with me. Its hard being rejected especially as i still live at home. Anything goes wrong and its some how my fault. Even if i have been at work all day.
    I just wanted you to know you are not alone:hugtackles:
  5. ~Heather~

    ~Heather~ Well-Known Member

    I still live with mine as well. Thank you for responding. It's great to know I'm not alone on this :mhmm:
    I want to move out so badly but I'm afraid things won't work out and I'll have to come back. -_-
    Y'know I'd be willing to listen too if you ever want to vent.
  6. Viro

    Viro Well-Known Member

    Your family sounds very unhealthy to me. They shouldn't be taking out their anger on you. It's their fault, not yours!
  7. HardLuck

    HardLuck Member

    I'm so sorry that you have to live in such an unhealthy situation :(
    Please know that you are a valuable person who is loved and worthy of happiness. You are not alone! I am a woman who lives on my own and has kids and if I spend too much time alone with my family I feel just like you.
    Here is a big <HUG> for you. Please feel free to PM me anytime you want to talk.
  8. Alonewanderer

    Alonewanderer Active Member

    I LOVE your avatar, that dog makes me shed tears every single time. Therefore you are an awesome person that has to deal with shitty people, don't worry in due time you can move away from them. Concentrate on you and making enough cash to be/remain independant. Just because of your avatar I know you'll have a grand time once you move out on your own.
  9. ~Heather~

    ~Heather~ Well-Known Member

    I'm so glad I'm not the only one who sees this is messed up. I wasn't sure if it was just me. I'll be moving out within the next 6 months with some friends. After that I don't plan on keeping in contact with my family any longer.

    Hopefully then I can start to enjoy my own life without getting mixed up in theirs :hamtaro:
  10. ~Heather~

    ~Heather~ Well-Known Member

    Lol yeah I love It's Me or the Dog! I laughed myself to tears with this one he wanted those cupcakes so badly.

    Thank you for the encouragement I hope things turn out the way you said.
    I guess time will tell.
  11. Borrowed time*

    Borrowed time* Well-Known Member

    Im really happy for you, start thinking of yourself, im sure you will be ok
    Im also scared of leaving home but im going next week, its a case of now or never for me. Im going to walk out the door with my head held high and not look back :biggrin:
  12. Alonewanderer

    Alonewanderer Active Member

    lol, try not to party too hard when you first move out :p, I have faith that you'll thoroughly enjoy freedom away from the family. 6 months is a loooong time though, stay strong, be you.
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