i can't do this anymore

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by justastrangegirl, Mar 25, 2013.

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  1. justastrangegirl

    justastrangegirl Well-Known Member

    I feel like i don’t have the strength to fight anymore.. my dad’s been cheating on my mom for years, and she had about enough. She kicked him out of the house, but this is actually HIS house. My mom’s basically a housewife, we don’t have family, and this few days my mom’s been acting hysterically (saying that my dad’s going to kick us out, that we’re going to be homeless and that we don’t even have a place to die).
    This is just the top of the iceberg. My father’s been abused (sexually, physically and psychologically) by his mother, so you can imagine what kind of man he is. Over the past few years he just got worse. For example, I have an eating disorder. Ever since I was a child I was bullied at school and even at home by my little sisters. When I was 15 years old (I’m 22 now) I met this guy online (and I still want him back), whenever we chatted (we talked on msn for a year or so before we met) I was extremely happy and I felt he loved me too. When we first met, I felt self-conscious; I felt he didn’t like me at all and actually one of his friends told me he didn’t feel anything for me, so after a month, we broke up.
    A couple of years later, we started talking again, and I was relieved actually, because he wanted to see me (possibly meaning that he DID feel something for me). But we never met. I had gained weight and I didn’t want him to see me like that. Anyway, my dad told me I was stupid because this guy just went out with me because of a bet. There’s NO WAY my dad could’ve known that, because he had only seen my ex ONCE. I mean, what kind of father says that to his extremely self-conscious daughter?? Of course I cried for days, but no one said anything. Not even my mom.
    Now he doesn’t talk to me anymore either, and I swear I don’t know why. So I’m heartbroken.
    I can’t go to university here because not one university has the career I want to study, so I applied for a university in Australia and I received my offer letter. My family’s been saving money to apply for the visa, but we found out dad’s been spending a TON of money on his *****s.
    For all these reasons and more I’m devastated. I feel like I can’t be happy. I swear I cannot catch a break. I want to lose weight and I can’t (I was anorexic, but now a compulsive over-eater), my family’s falling apart, I’m afraid to end up on the streets, ergo I’m stuck in this 4th class country with no friends, no connections whatsoever, and I really feel there’s no way out of this…
     
  2. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    What an awful situation, to be dependent upon someone so unstable (your mom) and someone uncaring and disturbed (your father)...I am hopeful there will be ways for you to get out and go to the university you choose...please continue to post as many of us have been trapped in that way
     
  3. skinnylove911

    skinnylove911 Well-Known Member

    There is away ouf this you can get help you need, you can sort your depression and build a life for yourself. You can look into healthy ways to lose weight and stick to it. (Avoid what i did, started healthy and then relapsed into my old ways.
     
  4. Mercedez

    Mercedez Banned Member

    Welcome to SF im praying for you <3
     
  5. justastrangegirl

    justastrangegirl Well-Known Member

    I forgot to mention my mom's also overweight due to a thyroids conditions, and my dad makes fun of fat people ALL the time, and what's the worst part of it?? My mom only complains about how hurtful my dad's comments are for HER, I mean, does she think I find them funny??

    In addition, our maid told me a couple of months ago my mom had confessed her that my youngest sister's her favorite daughter. I ALWAYS KNEW IT AND SHE KEPT DENYING IT. How could she say that?? After all I helped her, I'm still invisible to her.
     
  6. Mercedez

    Mercedez Banned Member

    We love you here <3 dont give up
     
  7. flowers

    flowers Senior Member

    I am so sorry things are so horrible for you. You have described people who act in harmful and unconscious ways. Which results in so much hurt pain and damage for you. You have a community here. We will care, thats for sure.

    Is there any place where you live that you can get support? In addition to us of course. A counsellor? And what is it that you would like to study? Can you talk about that? I wish there was something i could do. It is times just like this I wish I had lots of money. So I could pay for that visa for you. So you can go to the school of your choice.

    You sound like you are more together than anyone in your family. I hope you can get some support irl. From a counseller aka therapist. you sure do deserve that.
     
  8. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    You can apply for grants for student loans hun and see what you get obtain that way to get to the school you want
     
  9. justastrangegirl

    justastrangegirl Well-Known Member

    hi again, i enroled at the University of Newcastle (Environmental engineering). And this university sadly doesn't offer scholarships for undergraduate programs. I've tried like seriously 6 different therapist, and not a single one of them help me. In fact, each one of them was worse than their predecessor. My last therapist always called me by my sister's name and kept on e-mailing or whatever in her laptop while I was talking to her :grief: that's why I'm pretty sure there are NO decent therapists in my country.. Thank you really much for your support. It's nice to know that someone at least takes their time to read what's going on in my life. Kisses to you all!
     
  10. justastrangegirl

    justastrangegirl Well-Known Member

    My mom and her friend (who is our priestess and worships my youngest sister too) said I cry just because i'm a spoiled crybaby!! Omg! Are they fucking kidding?? How is it that no one sees i'm really hurting?? I hate it when my mom's talking to me and starts praising my sister, like she's perfect. My other sister says the same thing but she doesn't care anymore, she's on drugs and in an abusive relationship :( the thing is my mom's always calls my youngest sister 'sweetie, honey, etc' and always hugs her, while i'm just plain 'erika' :(
     
  11. justastrangegirl

    justastrangegirl Well-Known Member

    Oh i forgot to mention my mom told me about 2 months ago, that her sisters say i'm lazy and that the best of her daughters is my youngest sister.. :( and my mom doesn't even talk to her family..
     
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