Oh God what am I s suppose to do. I can't stand one more minute of this. I want to let go now I am so tired of saying to myself it will be ok you , I know it's not going to get better. I want all this torment inside mng myselle to stop. I am having a hard time believing what I keep telling myself. I don't want to be strapped to this machine the rest of my life. What the FUCK did I do to deserve this. Where did I go wrong. I never imagined that this would be my ending. I can't seem to wrap my head around all what's going on. Did I do this to myself ? How could I have allowed this to happen. Why didn't I see the warning signs. I can't go back and change what happened CAUSE honestjy I don't know what I did I'd. Tonight this has to all stop. I don't want this life anymore. I have been doing my best to helpe me transition through this but I m getting no where fast. I hate all of what's hatppening to me. My control is taken away from me and I am unable to make me feel better so the best is for me to get out and do it now.I am not scared of what has to happen. I know it's right for me. I have thoughts that makes it hard to look the other way. This all seems right.