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I can't do this anymore!

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by Absbigails, Dec 14, 2015.

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  1. Absbigails

    Absbigails Member

    My life is just full of ups and downs. Ups that last only a few minutes before taken out by a down. A feeling or thought that just doubts the up. I wasn't always a pessimist... I used to be a very optimistic person, but then this cloud came full of pain and fear. A cloud that no matter how bright the sun is, it can't get through. These thoughts that cause to doubt myself and others. The fear that wakes in the middle of the night to be weary of tomorrow.

    I can't keep doing this. I can't keep living this life. This life where nobody understands what it's like and tells you that you just need to work through it. As if saying that you feel this way because you are weak. So why must I keep going when no one wants to be around me because I am such a burden?

    Simple. I shouldn't. I shouldn't continue to be this burden that my family carries.
  2. AMS

    AMS New Member

    I am new here, so I'm not sure as to what people may say in this situations; how to approach it.

    I believed the same as you. I still do to some extent. I'm incredibly sad, anxious and am faced with self-loathing all of the time. I have felt this way for as long as I can remember. I started self harming at 16, and have irreversible scars that I am disgusted by. I cry... a lot. And I am a recovered bulimic.

    I am 19 and I recently attempted suicide. This time, I was desperate. It was a fairly irrational decision, looking back at the reasons, but I felt fed up, worried and overwhelmed with changes happening in my life. I also believed I was a burden to my family, and was blinded by my own selfishness of thinking that no-one cared.

    <mod edit - methods> I did not tell anybody about what I had done, as I was ashamed that I was a failure in life and in the //attempt// of death. Unfortunately, my mother had speculations <mod edit - methods. I explained what had happened and I ended up in hospital, with my worried mother and boyfriend by my side throughout.

    I had begged my mum not to cry - to keep it together for me. My mum then became overly protective over me. I understand this completely. She is terrified that leaving me alone in my now room will cause me to over-think things, do something irrational, or that I would resort back to self harming. She broke down in my arms a couple of days ago, expressing how terrified and concerned she is for me, begging me to never try to do it again. Praying she would not one day wake up to find me cold and lifeless in my bed; a successful suicide victim.

    She told me, she would not be able to live without me.

    I guess I'm telling you this for one main reason.

    To help you realise that you are NEVER a burden... especially not to your family. The ones who watched you grow up, and helped you develop into the unique and special person you are today.

    Your family loves you, cherishes you, adores you. And never think different.

    I hate myself for putting my parents through all that I have.
    Because my family would lay their lives down for me.
    And a mother or father without their son/daughter, who took their own life?
    It is something I never want any parent to have to go through.

    Please keep safe, and best wishes.
    Alice x
    Last edited by a moderator: Dec 14, 2015
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