I can't do this anymore

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by bluedays, Jun 29, 2008.

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  1. bluedays

    bluedays Well-Known Member

    My husband is sitting behind me playing a game and probably trying to be oblivious of my emotional state because he has no idea how to help me. No one can. This might sound stupid but I have gum disease and my teeth are starting to get loose and I do not have the thousands of dollars needed for treatment and there is no aid in our area for dental needs. It's uncomfortable and it's all I think of from morning to night and I swear I would honest to God rather die than slowly lose all of my teeth and look disfigured.

    We are swamped in a mountain of bills and debt, my depression is beyond horrible and very treatment resistant, and I cost more to exist than I would if I were gone. I do not see anything to look forward to in life at all. This is just the tip of the iceberg, I have a laundry list of problems and not much happiness at all.

    I wake up every morning thinking that I want to die. I don't know if I would ever go through with it, as I am a big chicken and I also know what it would do to my mother if no one else. But I so desperately don't want to live either.

    Being stuck in between is heartbreaking and stressful. How do you keep on living day after day when you're in immense amounts of pain that no one can fix? What do you do when living is excruciating and awful every second of every day, but dying isn't an immediate option (beyond praying for it at times) either?

    I am slowly going crazy....
     
  2. middleofnowhere

    middleofnowhere Well-Known Member

    Being a chicken can be a good thing when it comes to suicide. Gum disease can be as debilitating as a bad back - pain is pain. I hope you and your husband can find your way out of debt. It's just one more type of debilitating pain.

    Prayer is one of your best tools in dealing with a hard life. Keep praying and keep living one moment at a time. You can survive this.
     
  3. Xistence

    Xistence Well-Known Member

    I wish you and your husband the best in dealing with the debt. I'm at the point where I feel like I'm going crazy too, but I'm sure there are other ways than suicide. Try to hang in there. You will be in my prayers.
     
  4. Anime-Zodiac

    Anime-Zodiac Well-Known Member

    Gum disease and loosing teeth can really kill a persons self confidence and self esteem. Isn't there anyone who can help you and your husband out for the time being, like a relative or close friend?
     
  5. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    Hi Bluedays,
    I know what you mean. I had my top teeth pulled and got a temporary top denture. I need a thousand dollars to do the bottom with a stationary bottom and a new top so they match up. I don't know where the money is going to come from. In the mean time by bottoms are getting worst.
    It doesn't help the good ole self asteem. I don't care what others think because I don't deal with them. I have been doing things like getting my top teeth taken care of for myself so I can feel a little better. Good luck to you,and if you need to talk then PM me...:chopper:...
     
  6. bluedays

    bluedays Well-Known Member

    There isn't anyone who can help us. I'm at the point where I feel like my mind is going to snap if I have to survive like this anymore. I pray and pray but sometimes I don't think God hears me.

    The sad part is, I've always wanted to be happy so badly. People would make New Year's Resolutions for grand things and material things, and have holiday wish lists for expensive stuff. I've always just said a small prayer that I want to know what it's like to live days at a time where I am just happy and filled with joy. My life is now passing me by, I've missed a lot of things that I am too old for now anyway, and I have this devastated sadness inside of me that this lifetime around, I just couldn't get it together and fate kept bashing me with stuff I didn't know how to deal with.

    I feel so incredibly hopeless. Some things aren't fixable.
     
  7. Insignificant

    Insignificant Account Closed

    i have already lost my upper teeth. i don't have the means to fix this myself, but honestly i've found that people are anything but critical about it. i've still gotten jobs and everything. i know it's hard though. it leaves you feeling anything other than attractive too, but overall it is bareable at least to me. please hang on and take care. please,please stay safe too.
     
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