I can't do this anymore

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by malack, Mar 19, 2010.

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  1. malack

    malack Active Member

    I can't anymore. I'm about to snap. I'm totally trapped, on all sides. Oppressed and abused by sick parents, sick as I am. I'm constantly being poisoned, fucked up by them, reflecting thier jet black auras onto me and using me for thier darkness. I fucking hate them. I HATE THEM! They fucking dominate me, they CAN use me and they DO, for them! IT WAS ALWAYS THEM!
    I can't do this anymore. I'm raped, I'm ruined. I've lost the ability to love another person. I've lost the will to live, I've lost the drive to move forward in life. I have to force myself to live another day, just one more hour, just one more second, just one more minute, just one more breath. I spent years, YEARS, waiting for me to find some happiness, ANYTHING, and thought I'd find it once I left to fucking high school, and I ended up a pyscho rape victum, worse than I ever thought I would be. I've fucking lost it, I"M A FUCKING MESS. I can't move forward. I spent my entire high school career the way I spent my middle school career, which was just like my elementary school career: "Things will get better, finally, once I get to the next step in a few more years." LIES. I will spend my entire life saying "things will get better" until I'm on my deathbed, too weak to fucking end it and drowned and swallowed alive by REGRET.
    I CAN'T FUCKING DO THIS ANYMORE!!!! I WANT TO DIE!!!! I WANT TO DIE!!!!!!!
     
  2. IV2010

    IV2010 Well-Known Member

    I can feel your pain and anger......and I'm sorry for what you've had to endure...
    I hope it helps by writing this out on here..
    I don't know if you've sought help for the rape and abuse but it may help to talk to someone about how you're feeling..there are special councelors for that..
    I'm glad you've found this forum where we are here to listen and offer support....
    hugs
     
  3. malack

    malack Active Member

    I have to do it tonight. Otherwise, I'll be stuck in this vicious cycle. It has to be tonight. IT HAS TO BE TONIGHT.
     
  4. empty101

    empty101 Well-Known Member

    Malack don't do it tonight. You're in a really emotional state right now, at least wait until you're out of it.

    I've been there, having the immediate urge to commit suicide. Just wait it out. These emotions might be gone tomorrow.
     
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