i can't do this anymore

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by plates, Jun 4, 2010.

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  1. plates

    plates Well-Known Member

    i can't do it.
     
  2. 41021

    41021 Banned Member

    :hug: I don't think i can either

    What's going on?
     
  3. absolution

    absolution Forum Buddy

    hun whats going on?? talk to us... come on you can do this! :hug:
     
  4. plates

    plates Well-Known Member

    voices, this person who fucked with my head last year, i'm hearing him tormenting me. i want to cut but i want to die because my mental/emotional quality of life is nothing after what i went through last year- as well as years before. i always talk about how i'm 'improving' but that's just one aspect of me. my life is in danger so much of the time, because of what certain people did. and how they reacted. i feel like i need to OD and i feel like i'm heading to a bridge soon, but nobody, especially him ever took me seriously or cared. i want to know why my life didn't mean anything to this person, and why he treated me the way he did. i will never know. i feel disgusting, i want to die, and when i'm here in this house, to keep myself safe, i find myself trying to look after other people here, people who just don't give a fuck about my health, but i do it anyway because i feel unsafe, i ahte myself for doing it. i hate myself for being me. i hate myself for being me i hate myself for being me...
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Jun 4, 2010
  5. plates

    plates Well-Known Member

    why did my life mean so little to be treated that way?
     
  6. absolution

    absolution Forum Buddy

    But i love you for being you :hug: Hun im here for you! You can get through this...i promise to always be here... :hug: if you want my msn to talk let me know :hug: hang in there hun

    that person who hurt you is dirt! :hug:
     
  7. plates

    plates Well-Known Member

    you don't know me so you don't love me.

    i can't hang in there. i'm not at the stage of hanging in here.

    thank you for your sweet response, but i'm not at that stage anymore. i want an end to this pain that comes and goes but is always there, this is no quality of life.
     
  8. absolution

    absolution Forum Buddy

    sorry hun...i guess i just ment that i would feel sad if you were to die... :cry: :hug: im here if you need to talk just remember that. Im sure those in your life would be crushed if you were to take your life
     
  9. xXxRNBxXx

    xXxRNBxXx Senior member

    Hi hun, you have talked to me and helped me so much past few nights. Do you have msn we can talk on there?

    XRX
     
  10. plates

    plates Well-Known Member

    i don't want to go into this, but you don't know me. i'm just another member on this forum and if i died today, nobody would know, you wouldn't know, and there won't be anyone coming on to this forum declaring that i was dead.

    nobody would be 'crushed' if i took my life, and if they were, it would be purely for their own selfish reasons, nothing to do with me, or my reasons to stop my suffering or pain.

    i'm sorry if i sound harsh, but this is reality. i struggle with being so close to death many many times because of abuse and mistreatment and the damage caused , as i'm sure many here do also, but i can't do it anymore. i can't bear having nobody around who cares, and i don't mean strangers on the internet who i don't know replying to me. i have no one who cares about me NO ONE.
     
  11. plates

    plates Well-Known Member

    i'm sorry, i don't feel like talking on msn right now. thank you for the offer though.
     
  12. absolution

    absolution Forum Buddy



    Sorry im just trying to help...and i do care... sorry
     
  13. plates

    plates Well-Known Member

    you don't need to be sorry, you're a very sweet person and i'm sure you mean well.
     
  14. absolution

    absolution Forum Buddy

    :hug: if there is anything i can do let me know?
     
  15. plates

    plates Well-Known Member

    what helps you stop killing yourself?
     
  16. absolution

    absolution Forum Buddy

    I have a few people that love me very much and i guess its the fear of hurting them that keeps me here...also i was raped and beat by a man i was suppose to be able to trust and i feel like if i killed myself he would win and i dont want that... :hug: here for you
     
  17. xXxRNBxXx

    xXxRNBxXx Senior member

    Well if you do feel talking at all you can pm me on here :hug: i hope you manage some how to stay strong xxx
     
  18. deniston

    deniston Member

    The fact that you have been on here for a couple of years and a year on from whatever happened to you last year suggests that you have strong spirit and heart. Why would you care about having no one, when you have yourself? In the end we are all ultimately alone, regardless of whether we surround ourselves with hundreds of people day and night, we face life alone and we will die alone. If you can get through what you have done without anyone, then I think you can continue to do so. Life does pile up on us and maybe ending it is really the only way, but when you have spirit and heart to travel so far without ending it then you have spirit and heart period. That in itself is greater than a thousand friends.
     
  19. plates

    plates Well-Known Member

    i'm sorry to hear of that ordeal, especially by a person who you trust. and it sounds wonderful to have people who love you very much and who care about you.

    that thing about other people winning, doesn't work for me personally anymore. i've heard it a lot. because i doubt they care? they set out to wreck as much damage on me, and if i died- why would they care? i don't see the logic behind that argument anymore, as i never intended my life as a game which was ruled by abusers, that i had to win against. it's a tiring game, one that hurts and damages me and nearly kills me every time i fight and defend and look after myself.
     
  20. plates

    plates Well-Known Member


    I understand this, and I agree with you. It's at times of death that the whole: I am alone, nobody cares, and I have no one slaps me in the face. But like you said, I go through this very often, and have survived. But you know mental stamina? Mine is getting low. The agitation gets worse every time I get a flashback, and I can get very out of control and dangerous to myself then. Right now I'm managing it, best as I can.

    Thank you for your support and words.
     
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