I thought I could. I tried so hard to but I just can't. I want my daddy to be here. How can I see his birthday come and know he's rotting in the ground. I have no one to talk to. I can't cry. Besides crying is a useless emotion, all it does is make you feel horrible and sleep horrible and wake up feeling horrible. I just know I can't do this holiday season. Why can't I have been the one that died. At least there would have been less missing me. I'd be spared this pain.