Two horrible things happened back-to-back last night and this morning. I called my only friend for help and all he did was whine into the phone "Why are you doing this? It's seven in the morning!" because he didn't want to deal with my call. I'm writing a letter to my family and one to him, and then I'm leaving and going to kill myself. I can't take this pain and the knowledge that no one loves me. All this time I've been putting it off because I'm afraid of going to hell, but I'm going to hell anyway, so why not just rid myself of the pain that I have now? I'm leaving now. It's almost peaceful now that I know.