I can't do this

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by ThePhantomLady, Apr 30, 2016.

  1. ThePhantomLady

    ThePhantomLady Safety and Support SF Supporter

    I am panicking bad about the family dinner later today.

    I've spent the night at my mums house in my old room, and I've spent the night crying, trying not to SH or what's worse...

    I am becoming terrified of this event.

    There's so many factors making this a bad thing... my family is just a mess I guess. And they are going to expect me to be perfect... I guess I've described it in the other thread...

    And there's a chance the drunkard will be there... so I will have to constantly navigate around him for fear of him saying inappropriate things or even grab me... because he forgets we're related and that this isn't some dead-end pub where he can just grab women...

    I can't do this.

    I will probably have a bad anxiety attack there.

    I already am apart to throw up!
  2. MoAnamCara

    MoAnamCara SF Artist

    I'm sorry phantom lady, it sounds horrible for you. Is there any way you could feign illness or similar to get out of attending? Can you invite someone you are comfortable with to stay by your side? Sending you some calm thoughts right now. Try to rest if you can at all, or do something that'll help you relax a bit if at all possible.
    ThePhantomLady likes this.
  3. ThePhantomLady

    ThePhantomLady Safety and Support SF Supporter

    Thank you, but it's too late for that. It's 2 hours away...

    I have to grit my teeth and go. Ugh.
  4. MoAnamCara

    MoAnamCara SF Artist

    Crap, I'm sorry. Will anyone be attending that you can stay with or close by? Try to keep with other people so that drunken leech doesn't get an opportunity to get near you.
    ThePhantomLady likes this.
  5. ThePhantomLady

    ThePhantomLady Safety and Support SF Supporter

    There's no one in my family I trust or like...

    But I will find a way to survive
  6. Inanimate

    Inanimate Well-Known Member

    If you're having this much anxiety over this family dinner, I just wouldn't even go. It doesn't seem like it's worth the effort to go. I think you had said in an earlier post that you need to go or feel like you need to go, but I don't see why. This is completely voluntary. I think that someone potentially being upset with you or disappointed in you is far better than going to this totally anxiety inducing, unpleasant dinner. I mean, it's up to you, but it sounds like you're set on going anyway. Still, no one can really blame you if you choose not to go at any given time.
    ThePhantomLady likes this.
  7. ThePhantomLady

    ThePhantomLady Safety and Support SF Supporter

    My mum will never forgive me if I don't. I'm already at her house... so I don't see a way out.
  8. Inanimate

    Inanimate Well-Known Member

    She'll never forgive you if you opt out of going to a family dinner? I find that utterly ridiculous. Not implying that I don't believe you, but really...?
  9. Inanimate

    Inanimate Well-Known Member

    Maybe I'm being overly passionate.

    It doesn't sound like your mom is understanding... at all, if that's the case. I just frankly think that it'd be selfish of her to hold it against you for not going. Of course, your not going is selfish too, but you have good reason, very good reason at that, and that should rule out whatever reasoning your mom may have for wanting you to go. Though, her not ever forgiving you seems far-fetched. I mean, has she not ever forgiven you for something?
  10. ThePhantomLady

    ThePhantomLady Safety and Support SF Supporter

    My mum doesn't care about me, she never did really. But she worries about her facade, which I'm part of... I've played the perfect daughter all of my life while she's been beating the crap out of me behind closed doors...
  11. mpk

    mpk Well-Known Member

    Do what you need to do to help yourself. If it gets to tense go outside and think of something positive. I had the same dread of going to a family function as I was ashamed of being unemployed and it shows.
    Yet most of the comments have been positive about my situation yet I only hear negative. Depression stinks.
    ThePhantomLady likes this.
  12. Northern

    Northern SF Supporter

    I hope someday soon you will have enough people around you to be able stay far from this "family" of yours.

    good luck sweetie *hugs*
    ThePhantomLady likes this.
  13. ThePhantomLady

    ThePhantomLady Safety and Support SF Supporter

    Thanks everyone. I'm on my way home now...

    Luckily the 'drunkard' wasn't there, so I didn't have to deal with that.

    It was okay, considering... At least I survived with only one panic attack in the bathroom

    I feel like I need to sleep for a week now!
    Inanimate and DrownedFishOnFire like this.
  14. DrownedFishOnFire

    DrownedFishOnFire Quieta non movere

    For that drunktard. A good telling off usually whip them into mannerful drunks. Sometimes other family members need to get banded together and this behavior towards so-so is plain diagusting and this isnt inbred family. Sometimes family members will throw a punch or two depending on which family you're from.

    There is such a thing as guy code and gentleman code...chivalry isn't dead I believe

    For the next time he ever comes around
    ThePhantomLady likes this.
  15. MoAnamCara

    MoAnamCara SF Artist

    Good for you, you did it!
    ThePhantomLady likes this.