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i cant do this

ShatteredMind

Well-Known Member
#1
i got myself into a mess i thought for a long time that i was Transgender male , i have gone through the processes of appointments etc but now i have to decide weather i want hormones, my husband is supportive but i just let it get to this stage i have told my husband a number of times that i didn't want to go a head i want to be non binary ,every time i have told him am not wanting to do it he got very upset and said i make a great guy and that am nervous of the changes my body will go though i then tell him i will do it , just to make him stop crying ,i never wanted it to go as far as this i just want to be in the middle so i can chooses to be male one day and female the next or something in the middle he loves me the person i am as a man but its too much and he keeps saying things like he wants me to be his husband .....i cant deal with this anymore i have BPD and other mental health issues am scared of being alone so if i say no he will get upset and hate me i just cant live like this anymore its all lies and he loves me for me ( the male side not the non-binary or the female side of me ) on top of that there COVID-19 i haven't seen my friends in months i feel alone all the time with just having one person to talk to my husband , there is someone else i normally can talk this out too but he is having his own issues i asked him if i could call him he said he couldn't as he has stuff going on with his family at the moment , i cant do this anymore the anniversary of my dad.s suicide was on the 17th of this month i miss him and a friend who ended there life's 2 months ago i just want to be with them
 

1964dodge

Has a frog in the family
Forum Pro
SF Supporter
#2
i'm sorry that you lost your dad and your friend to suicide @ShatteredMind but you have to fight that urge to join them. bpd and other mental health issues is tough to go through but you aren't alone, there are a lot of people with bpd on this site.

as far as trans gender issues you have to do what you feel comfortable with. your husband should be supportive on whatever you need not what he wants. this process is a big step so you need to be sure it's what you want.

as far as your friends most people are finding a way to be with friends safely. wear masks and stay 6 feet apart. you can meet in a park or in someones back yard if allowed. either way you have us to talk to so feel free to keep talking to us we are listening to you and we do care...mike...*hug*console*shake
 

ShatteredMind

Well-Known Member
#3
me and my husband talked told him i was feeling suicidal with staying as male i told him am non binary and talked it through my husband and he good about it i just have to go to the appointment and tell them am non binary
thank you for replying to me and what you said , at the moment the numbers are going up of cases of COVID -19 unsure if there going to be another lockdown really hope not but yet i can understand why they are doing it
 

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