I cant do this...

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by PerfectlyMurdered, Mar 2, 2010.

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  1. PerfectlyMurdered

    PerfectlyMurdered Well-Known Member

    I haven't been suicidal in a long time... I need help :(. I've never wanted to do any of this until the last couple of days. It gets so bad I can feel my body aching for it, ACHING, It's not suppose to ache... I've always had my mind emotionally want it. But not feeling like my whole body is trying to push me forward into doing something stupid... And it is stupid. I used to be afraid of hurting myself, but now I'm not. Now that is making me afraid of myself. But I can't do it... I can't do that to the people that care about me. I can't. I cant, I cant... I can't help myself, and that is the worst feeling ever. I try to help my friend with suicidal thoughts, but Why did I ever think I could help someone else if I couldnt help myself? What made me think I'd be okay, and not feel this way again?

    Sorry for the ramble. I'm just so sick and tired of all of this. I'm tired of life. I can't eat or sleep today, I'm aching and I just want to dissapear.

    What am I suppose to do it get rid of these thoughts? To get rid of the ache...? This ache makes me feel like I'm dying. I want it to go away :(
  2. Bambi

    Bambi Well-Known Member

    Hey you...I am glad I was online to catch your post.

    I too wonder how I can reach out while at the same time feeling like such a mess inside but that is part of the beauty of SF we can use our pain to relate to one another....case in point your ACHE! I hear you I really do.

    I know for a fact you take on A LOT so it does not surprise me you have gotten to this point...you just can't keep giving and helping without getting triggered to some extent so I am glad you reached out with this post. You are loved here and since you posted we can all reach out to you and lend a listening ear, shoulder to cry on, arm to lean on, offer advice and just support you in general. As far as that ache I think you just have to ride it out but you don't have to do so alone...it is hard I know but you are so strong and you can do it. We are here to help you and I am around if you need to talk. Just get it all out so we can help, we are here for you.

    Please keep posting, I will be here....all damn night if need be cause you are worth it and you are a great person...lots of love Bambi
  3. PerfectlyMurdered

    PerfectlyMurdered Well-Known Member

    Okay, thank you for posting Bambi. I'm just really tired and hurting but I can't go to sleep because I have problems to deal with... I don't want anymore problems in life :(. It hurts. Yes, it does trigger a lot... I wish it didn't.
    I can't even think straight to say what else I'm feeling :(. Thank you for trying to help, I just need rest.
    Last edited by a moderator: Mar 2, 2010
  4. Bambi

    Bambi Well-Known Member

    Can you sleep? That would be great cuz lack of sleep really makes my world look worse, hell I don't even like looking in the mirror when tired as it is too depressing!

    If you can sleep that would be wonderful and I wish you sweet dreams but if you can't then hang out with me as I am up for awhile that is for sure and of course I am here for you...you are a great friend this I know and I would be more than happy to burn the midnight oil with you till you felt better or could sleep..

    I am here for you ....Love Bambi
  5. lightbeam

    lightbeam Antiquities Friend

    I have been avoiding triggering threads by specific people lately. There is a time to say 'to hell with it'. Those are the times to take a break.

    I have felt that ache before, so I can sympathize. Unfortunately I went with the ache, and attempted.

    You will pull out of this soon enough. Just keep strong.
  6. PerfectlyMurdered

    PerfectlyMurdered Well-Known Member

    Thank you so much, the both of you. Yes I can sleep now, and thanks for offering to stay up with me, Bambi. I don't have to do anything else now, so I'm going to get rest and see if I feel better when I wake up. I hate this feeling...
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