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I can't do this...

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Aurora Gory Alice, May 23, 2010.

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  1. Aurora Gory Alice

    Aurora Gory Alice Well-Known Member

    Last night I got drunk. I could tell I was annoying everyone around me and when I get drunk I get too honest. I'm not entirely sure what I told people about myself but I'm in a small village so likelihood is I've said too much.

    I woke up feeling like crap this morning, now I feel really suicidal again. Yes I'm hungover but at the same time I'm wondering why I never change. Once again I have made a fool of myself.
    I am so so sick of being me and making the same mistakes over and over and over again. I can't seem to change and I just want to be dead because this life is all too much.
    Work is too much.
    Making friends is too much.
    Trying to be 'normal' is just too much.

    I can't fucking do it and I am sick of trying.
  2. Perfect Melancholy

    Perfect Melancholy SF Friend

    Hey funnily enough I was going to send you a message see how you are doing :hug: I am hungover too.

    I guess you drink right to relax but then go to far and fell you act like an idiot ( i am basing this on what I do so please do not take offence) I think we have all been there, and I think your real friends should accept you for what you are good and bad.

    You have been pretty awesome to me, and so helpful so please do not do anything, I hate to see you suffering because you are a such a nice caring person, so please hold on :sad:
  3. ZombiePringle

    ZombiePringle Forum Buddy and Antiquities Friend

    You can do this Linds. You took a real positive step by taking this job. It's just not something you're used to. Fighting depression is never easy but I know you have what it takes to keep fighting on. Good luck linds. I'm here if you want pm me.
  4. Bambi

    Bambi Well-Known Member

    Hey Linds I ve been there and done that too many times too count...for me it was the result of hurting inside a lot and using the alcohol as the escape which lead to some not so pretty occasions. Bottom line I am getting at is your hurting and need to be gentle with yourself and please know many of us have been in this same situation you find yourself in now. Do not judge yourself during this time and lean on us..your true friends that accept you for all that you are.
    Hugs Bambi
  5. Aurora Gory Alice

    Aurora Gory Alice Well-Known Member

    Thanks guys.
    I have decided to go back home to London and find a job there. Much as I hate living with my family and yes - they sometimes make things worse. It's probably easier than being out here alone, bored and lonely. It's also a big city and I have a handful of friends there so I think going back home would be the smartest move, at least I can stay sober easier there.
    Thanks for helping me. :hug:
  6. Bambi

    Bambi Well-Known Member

    Sounds like a good healthy plan....good luck and our thoughts are with you. Sometimes a change is needed to get back on track and the support of family can be invaluable even if they are a pain in the butt at times.
  7. sudut

    sudut Well-Known Member

    You remind me of how i used to be 3 years ago. i started going to AA meetings.
  8. Forgotten_Man

    Forgotten_Man Well-Known Member

    I am glad to hear you are still with us Hun. :hug: I think moving back to London is a good idea. Living in small rural areas when you are lonely is terrible. I am sure you will find the support you need.
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