i cant do this anymore. i cant keep tying to be happy and hyper. all i want to do is die. i want to cut myself and then fall asleep. i'm a freshman in college, i've only been here a week. i knew it would be hard, but never this hard. i need to die. last night i got drunk and started puking and my friends made me tell them what meds i was on, they were looking it up on the internet to make sure i wasn't going to die by combining alcohol with it. i wish i had died. i'm thinking vaguely about going to the counseling center here, but why? i've been talking to therapists since my freshman year of highschool. if they havent helped me in four years, i dont think anythings gonna change now. i dont know what to do. i just want to die. thats all i know. i cant even think coherently. all i can think about is how unhappy i am. i dont know what to do.