I can't even look at happy people anymore..

Here I was.
Having a normal night.
Wasn't happy nor sad.

Then, I see pictures of old friends partying who I no longer see on facebook.

Now I'm crying.
Wtf is wrong with me?

 

hey :hug: nothing wrong with tears and emotion hun... im sorry you feel sad though is there anything i can do to help? :unsure:

 

but that's the thing- it IS wrong.

it would be okay if i were a 14 year old girl but i'm not.
i'm a guy going into college in a few months.

i shouldn't be like this.
i don't want to be like this.

 

heh my husband is 40 next year and ive seen him cry. there is absolutely nothing wrong with it - you can't be strong all the time - nobody can. i can think of far worse and destructive ways to release emotion... here if you need

 

In due time... you will harden up. Just accept these moments of pain with open arms.

 

Harden up? No, I don't want that either. Trust me, I'm a really big guy and I look hard enough already. I want to live in a world where men aren't expected to 'harden up.'

 

heh welcome to my world all the men in my life -husband, friends - are very open and honest with their feelings. they work in tough environments, they are sporty and athletic a lot of them. popular etc. but there is no scorn for the fact they show emotion. why would there be? they're human. i know society puts constraints on people in many ways but does depend on who your circle of friends are etc :hug: hope you feel better soon hun

 

i appreciate the kind words but there's really no hope for me- i'm not going to kill myself or anything but i'm just never going to be happy. thanks though.

 

i thought that once upon a time too i will stop bothering you here - but if you need a friend just pm me hun :hug:

 

You are free to want to live in a world where men aren't expected to 'harden up'.

I never said you must harden up, but you will eventually... passively. You are hardening up currently this moment. Shedding those tears at the sight of those pictures. Changing into a different you. A new perspective, maybe a feeling of a little jealousy but also envy. You want to be something different, your current state of displeasure with yourself will eventually force you into a new.

Don't worry though, I felt the same way first going into college. Afraid, insecure and wanting to be accepted in the 'in' crowd. Things will sink in, and you'll realize it's all the same. The power is in your hands to change the future.

 

Trust me, I get it. With a post like this and me being young and everything but I'm not naive. Nothing happens passively for me. I chose how and when i want to change. If anything good has come from my depressions, it's that.