I can't feel anything anymore...

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Tea1030, Apr 25, 2013.

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  1. Tea1030

    Tea1030 New Member

    I'm 27 years old and I've never been to college. I've only been able to hold retail jobs which lasted several months at most. I've been unemployed for years now and I currently live with my mother and her husband in Florida. I originally came down here from Michigan to seek help with my depression which has eaten away the better part of my 20's. Because of this depression, I am a virgin and have never even been touched romantically or sought out a serious relationship since high school. I'm 5'7" and I weigh a measly 115lbs which is due in part not only because of my ridiculously fast metabolism, but also a thyroid problem that I've had since I was 22. Despite these problems, I've been told by many strangers and friends that I'm handsome. However, I feel so incredibly far behind my peers at this point that once someone finds out just how much life has passed me by and how little life experience I have, I couldn't offer anything they can relate to.

    I've been taking wellbutrin for the past two months now and while at first I thought it was working, I feel completely anhedonic now. The few things I was able to derive pleasure from seem meaningless now. I know I have friends and family who love me, which is the only thing that has been keeping me alive, but I'm exhausted from suffering. There are times where I contemplate what reasons I would live for even if I weren't ill. We're born, we eat, sleep, work for most of our lives and with any luck, retire to sit on our asses all day before our inevitable death. It happens to everyone and there's nothing - not even memories - that we can take with us, so what's the point? I'm envious of people who have faith in God and the afterlife but I've never truly been able to believe it myself.

    I honestly just have no idea what to do anymore. I'm beginning to believe that my closest childhood friend who killed himself several years ago had the right idea.
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    I am sorry you are feeling so low. wellbutrin may need to be increased or an add on to it ok talk to your doc ok
  3. Theodora

    Theodora Well-Known Member

    Your inability to feel pleasure and your negative thoughts are caused by depression. It alters our perception and our judgment. In addition to getting your medication adjusted consider therapy.
  4. katrina77

    katrina77 Guest

    I agree that depression can take away our ability to enjoy even the simplest things in life, which is really what life is all about. Possibly your meds are adding to the lethargy? I think it is a good idea to talk to your doc about your med levels, and possibly adjusting them or changing meds.

    Are you able to do what is necessary for your thyroid problem? I have a thyroid issue as well, and I know that can affect mood, etc.

    As far as your age goes, you are the same age as my son. He has also missed a lot because of health issues, and hasn't had a serious relationship. You are not behind, I think a lot of people are in the same boat. You still have a lot to offer, and there is no reason not to believe that you won't find some good friends and have relationships in the future.

    Hang in there, and keep trying. It's not the big things, but the small things that make life worthwhile.
  5. pickwithaustin

    pickwithaustin Staff Alumni

    If it helps any, I was 5'9" and 110 pounds when I got married many years ago.

    We are born, eat, sleep, and work most of our lives... but it is what we do with the time between that which makes for the enjoyment of living.
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