i've been suicidal for awhile, recently i cant feel physical pain. i was beaten severely in the street by 5 guys, i wouldnt fall down or fight back, didnt hurt didnt care. been beating my arm with whips til the skins all loose and yesterday an iron fell off a table onto my head while i was sitting in the floor, my friends were shocked and i barely noticed it. i'm feeling like maybe i should test it out put a cigarette out onmy armor something, i always had a great aversion to pain, now i have none, i invite it, all seems symptomatic of the suicidalness, but im happy so i dont know i dont wanna die but i cant feel anything and i invite pain. thoughts?