This is my biggest reason for posting -- I can only get so far trying to reason with myself on why I want to live before I realize I can't think of anything. I mean, I have plenty of things that ordinarily would make people happy: decent family situation, good grades in school, decent looks, girlfriend, etc., but they don't take away any of my desire to end my life. What frightens me most is when I start to think about what I want from life, if I could get everything I wanted. I don't want money, I don't want drugs, I don't want friends, I don't want a close family, I don't want fame. I literally can only think of a few things would make me "happy" (meaning not thinking about suicide) and that would be getting to live in the middle of nowhere away from everyone and everything, with my girlfriend, just us, alone until we die. But when I think about going through the "normal" life, even being with her, I still just want to die. I guess I just have too much pain attached to everything that is around me and I can't do anything or go anywhere without thinking about all the pain. Not really sure what I'm asking for in this post. Probably just to vent. I just sound stupid, but I couldn't keep this to myself and I don't talk to anyone in my life about me. I don't know what I'd want to tell them. I don't feel like I have anything that defines me, I just feel like an empty human being with no purpose who just slipped through the cracks.