I can't find any other options

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by sadhart, Oct 1, 2013.

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  1. sadhart

    sadhart Well-Known Member

    I keep trying to hang on, but it's not working. I called crisisline, which is always a complete hit or miss depending on who answers. Today it was mostly a miss. She thought that I was implying that I wanted to make my family suffer if I take my life. The thing is, they don't seem to realize or care about the hurt they cause me at times. And maybe I do sound like a victim....I don't care. I'm not going to pretend everything is fine. I realize taking my life is my responsibility and no one, no matter how badly they hurt me is responsible. However, they were responsible for their hurtful words and actions and took none. I am tired of this one sided bullshit where if I do something wrong I get judged to the extreme, while others get a fucking free pass.

    I'm sorry for rambling...hopefully sometime before the end of the year, I will be done hurting.
  2. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    I know words can't exactly make your pain go away or take away the hurtful things that have been done to you. Just want you to know I care and am here if you feel like talking. :hug:
  3. sadhart

    sadhart Well-Known Member

    I know and I appreciate you being there so I'm sorry for still feeling this way. I'm just tired of all the pain and restless nights (and days) I have all the time. I want there to be hope and I am doing what i can to find it...but I am getting overwhelmed with too much. I had this dream about the girl who rejected me a few years ago....I wasn't in it, I saw her in a college year book in a cap and gown. Even in the dream I felt pain and sadness. I know it sounds stupid, yet, I don't think this wound will ever heal.
  4. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    It doesn't sound stupid. And you don't have to apologize; you're just expressing how you feel, and that's okay.
  5. cots

    cots Well-Known Member

    Even though you didn't find it too useful, I'm still glad you picked up the phone to call the crisis line, sadhart. It seems to me like you do not really wish to die. Instead, you want all the negative feelings to go away. I am also currently working on trying to forget someone and I know it's impossible for this pain to go away entirely. Do you think there are other alternatives to minimise this pain?
  6. sadhart

    sadhart Well-Known Member

    honestly, i would be happy with having some alcohol right now, but i can't get any right now unless i pawn somethings. I know drinking is not always the best option, but it does most times for me, numb the pain inside.
    Last edited by a moderator: Oct 3, 2013
  7. Witty_Sarcasm

    Witty_Sarcasm Writer, Musician, Fun Lover, Magic Maker

    Sorry to hear about everything you're going through...that sucks about the crappy crisis line person. What people fail to realize is that the people who would supposedly be hurt by what we want to do are the ones who hurt us the most. You can only hear so many jokes about suicide from family and friends, or be told how cowardly or selfish it is before you think that no one really gives a fuck about you. Doesn't sound like your family is very supportive or ever will be. But you don't have to deal with their crap, or listen to it at all. That's what I've done, detached and distanced myself from everyone, and it seems to work alright. Sorry about the no alcohol thing, and I know it's good for numbing everything...feelings are vastly overrated anyway. But I hope you do stick around, even if your family doesn't care...people on this site care about you and want to help you through this. So I hope that you do keep reaching out.
  8. sadhart

    sadhart Well-Known Member

    Thank you, I appreciate your understanding and I will try to hang on a little longer.
  9. Chillguy

    Chillguy Member

    Hang in there. I am going through extremes right now while trying to maintain for my family. Ive been played for 2 years, rejected, ignored after being used. Legal battles, severe insomnia, overwhelming depression and constant suicidal thoughts for awhile. You are strong and things can and will get better. When? I dont know that, but they will...hold onto that sliver of hope and keep trying. If you need to talk in private Im always here. Talking to others helps me forget my own things:) We all suffer so much.....
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