All I do is sit around and do nothing. I can't bring myself to study for school or talk to anyone. I just go to work, go to school, come home and shut off until I have to go back. I've been in so much pain for so many years it's finally just too much for me... it's bigger than I am. I'm so lonely and in so much physical pain. I just don't wanna see tomorrow. Every once in a great while I get up enough courage to tell myself I deserve better and to search for a brighter future... to find someone to love... but eventually I get hurt when I realize I want it so bad I trick myself into believing things are possible that aren't. I let myself think I can be loved and then find out I was wrong... and then I go back to shutting down for even longer than the last time. Is there any hope for me? I'd do anything to experience what normal people get to... It's been a full year since I last hugged someone and that was someone else's girlfriend that didn't really want to. And before that... I don't remember... years. All my life I was a guinea pig injecting myself with drugs and hormones... and now I have incurable diseases because of it. Ever since all this started I've been unable to have normal relationships with people... I've felt biologically unfit to be loved for so long I feel sick in the pit of my stomach. What should I do?