I can't focus on anything

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by zetaf, Feb 25, 2008.

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  1. zetaf

    zetaf Well-Known Member

    All I do is sit around and do nothing. I can't bring myself to study for school or talk to anyone. I just go to work, go to school, come home and shut off until I have to go back. I've been in so much pain for so many years it's finally just too much for me... it's bigger than I am. I'm so lonely and in so much physical pain. I just don't wanna see tomorrow. Every once in a great while I get up enough courage to tell myself I deserve better and to search for a brighter future... to find someone to love... but eventually I get hurt when I realize I want it so bad I trick myself into believing things are possible that aren't. I let myself think I can be loved and then find out I was wrong... and then I go back to shutting down for even longer than the last time. Is there any hope for me? I'd do anything to experience what normal people get to... It's been a full year since I last hugged someone and that was someone else's girlfriend that didn't really want to. And before that... I don't remember... years. All my life I was a guinea pig injecting myself with drugs and hormones... and now I have incurable diseases because of it. Ever since all this started I've been unable to have normal relationships with people... I've felt biologically unfit to be loved for so long I feel sick in the pit of my stomach. What should I do?
  2. zetaf

    zetaf Well-Known Member

    I have so much undirected love... if only it would be accepted by someone instead of always humiliating me. I so badly need a reason to get up in the morning... someone to think about during the day... someone to motivate me to take care of myself and work hard. I don't want to dread each day and shut down in solitude every instant my life isn't being dictated by professors and managers... but what can I do?
  3. eleonora

    eleonora New Member

    I understand how you feel. I feel the same way...i feel so ackwards with my friends. I cant stand it....and my reasoning begins to conclude that I have a pretty sad existance. I dont have a job, i dont have a college degree, i havent had a boyfriend in three years, I've been rejected so many time.

    the worst is the feeling that I have lost my closest friends. that I have none. not even my sister. i feel everyone has parted from me, precisely because they began to see my darkness. instead of helping me, they chose to stay away.

    I feel I disapoint them when i'm sad. I cant get a job, when I get it I cant mantain it because i get depressed, or distracted by something....

    i feel that i dont fit in society..and I just hate myself really...


    i just have to be strong...think that there are people that have soldiers get inside their houses and kill their parents..and people who starve, and even die without wanting to. even though there are people who have it easier than i do...i just have to keep fighting... someday this monster I have inside will go away and I will learn to love myself.

    i think about you today... and know that I'm not alone in my pain..

  4. zetaf

    zetaf Well-Known Member

    ya know... loneliness is the only illness that can be cured by putting two cases together... i bet you and I would get along just find if we knew eachother :smile: so I guess maybe there is hope?
  5. BravoFREAK

    BravoFREAK Active Member

    I sure hope that there is hope for u
    because I am exactly the same without the drugs :sad:
  6. zetaf

    zetaf Well-Known Member

    I am WITH the drugs...
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