I can't forgive him for "saving" me.

Discussion in 'Family, Friends and Relationships' started by Abi, Sep 2, 2013.

  1. Abi

    Abi Member

    I have been with my current boyfriend for about 7 years. Much of our relationship I've been lonely but have found other ways to keep happy within the relationship. When I decided to take my life (because of many different reasons), he came home 4 hours early because he was concerned and called the ambulance.

    I know I'm supposed to be grateful that he "saved" me, but I'm not. I'm bitter. It was my choice to not want to feel the pain of existence anymore, he took that choice away. My attempt wasn't something I took lightly, I thought about it for a LONG time. The doctors said if he hadn't come when he did that I would have stopped breathing on my own. I was so close.

    Now I'm here, back in our home, doing the same things. He wants to fix things, he genuinely wants us to get better. I can tell how much effort he is putting in, but I can't respond. I'm trying to...but inside I'm so angry with him. He took away my choice. I didn't want anymore pain, I didn't want to feel...I was ready to go. I'm trying to forgive him but I don't know if I can or even how to start.
  2. Prinnctopher's Belt

    Prinnctopher's Belt Antiquities Friend SF Supporter

    But at the same time, if you can put yourself in his position, you were taking away his choice to be with you and help you to live, whether for him or not. You're lucky to have someone care about you, and he obviously sees value in living. See it as a second chance and a sign that maybe you weren't meant to die yet. So do something with the life you have.

    He wants things to improve, you want things to improve; that you're partnered with someone who wants the same thing for you doesn't seem so lonely to me.
  3. krazor

    krazor Active Member

    Just give it a go look at it this way what do you have to loose you could find happiness or just end up back as you are now. How will you ever know without giving it a try.
    I know if my gf tried anything like that I would never leave her side I would rather die myself than loose her and I suspect your boy may be the same.

    If you feel lonely tell him 7 years is along time so let him know how your feeling. You will be surprised how a little chat cuddling on the couch can make so much of a difference and lead to change.

    Hope your ok stay strong.
  4. peacefullyexist

    peacefullyexist New Member


    I hear you. So many people try to say how we should understand how our decision influences other people. Can't they understand we truly do think about them; sometimes too much. You have the right to your feelings. I find myself at the crossroads so many times anymore but I keep on going. Please know you are not alone in your thoughts. In the end it wont matter...if a "normal" death or our choosing but there are many people here who can be a support. Be yourself and know yourself but reach out and accept what is in front of you. Peace
  5. Cariad_Bach

    Cariad_Bach Staff Alumni

    Have you expressed this to him? I wonder whether his response might surprise you....?