The thought of suicide. How easy things will be once im gone. I cant sleep because I think about ways of doing it. Im overwhelmed with guilt, and shame, and worthlessness. Im sick of my weight, im sick of who im 'friends' with. Im sick of remembering all the bad shit that ive gone through and wondering why I havent done killed myself sooner. I hate humanity. But most of all I hate myself, so fucking much. I feel trapped. I feel like Im a good person but I am being overpowered by a darkness inside of me. I have no energy or motivation to do anything else but sleep and drown in my own self loathing. I hate my family, because they are the only reason I am still alive. I keep buying my mum gifts because I feel guilty for thinking about taking my life. Fuck, Im sick of feeling so confused. Im sick of two voices in my head telling me to do different things. I want to numb everything. I want silence. I want peace. Suicides my only option. I just wish I had the fucking guts to suck it up, forget my family, and get it over and done with.