My closest friend has a girlfriend now. I feel like I have been pushed aside. I don't have any other friends besides him, and now I feel like I don't even have him. I love him. I'm independent, have my own place, a good job, and no kids. This dumb bitch has 2 kids. What does he see in that? What is it that I don't have that she does have? Anyway, that is not the point. The point is that I cannot think of him without getting physically sick to my stomach thinking about them together. It makes me start crying. I had to leave work early today because I was gonna start crying up there. I can't handle this much pain. The only thing keeping me from doing anything is the fact that it would upset my mom. If it wasn't for her being upset, I would just end it. I don't have any other friends. No one ever calls me or wants to talk or hang out. I'm not even exaggerating...no one. I have come to realize that there's something about me that just can't compete with these other females. To me it seems like I am the better choice, but time and time again my friend will end up getting a girlfriend and I'm left alone again. I thought this time it would be different, but it's not. It's worse because I actually loved this guy. The fact that no one loves me in return or wants to date me or be with me tells me that I am pathetic and in some way sub-human. I will never measure up no matter how hard I try, so I've give up hope. I truly wish I could be in a car accident or something so that maybe my mom wouldn't be as upset if she thought it was an accident. I would love to get rid of this pain that I'm feeling. I wrote up a note "in case" anything happens to me. But I know I can't go through with it. But I don't know what else to do. I am miserable and my heart is broken and I want to die.