i craft a lot so i have plenty of tools that i have used for self harm that i also use for crafting. but its not like i really craft anymore. im just afraid to get rid of all those things in my room. i want to self harm so bad, but i promised both my girlfriend and best friend that i wouldnt. i cant break that promise but its so tempting. im not even afraid of the pain anymore, i just want the release. my mom got rid of the things i was going to use to kill myself (at my request, i dont know what part of me asked her to do that) so i feel like theres no way to end it or get some release. i tried drawing and it worked but the thought of cutting just keeps coming back. i go to therapy tomorrow, although i had the option to go to the emergency room and talk to the people there last night but i turned it down, thought i could make it through the next few days. i dont know anymore.