I can't go on anymore (long post)

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Mikes, Sep 8, 2014.

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  1. Mikes

    Mikes New Member

    Hello, my name is Mike I'm from Europe, English is not my mother tongue so there might be a few mistakes here and there. I have some problems (that's been going for 4 years now) which led me to try and kill myself four times (I'll not give more details because it is painful to remember), I failed every time...
    My main problem is that I cannot find a girl, in my 20 years of life I had one relationship that lasted 2 weeks with a girl that used me to try and forget her last BF.
    I cannot find anyone and I am depressed, and to make it worse i got male pattern baldness, I'm 20 and half of my hair is almost gone, I also used to be fat but I struggled and lost 10 kilograms (22 pounds). So, to tell you as much of the story as I can: I liked a girl she didn't like me back and then things got pretty worse between us (this was happening in high school where I became because of this girl a big scumbag)...ok so after 2 years we become friends again I like her again she told me she wants to stay friends so we stay friends (I'm still trying to fight some feelings). So then another girl appears I like her but f*** I'm not good at the things that need to be done before starting a relationship, you know all the things that lead to the big step...(yeah just to put it out there I'm still a virgin because I don't want one night stands and quite frankly I don't think I could get 'em)...I'm not ugly or anything, I was told on multiple occasions that I'm cute (the average cuteness nothing special). Ok so this girl, she hooks up with someone else. Ok I'm starting to think that the universe or god or whatever you believe in is playing me a big joke. Why? Both girls I liked got BFs which work in the same field as I (one is even a colleague of mine)...Look to sum it up loneliness kills me, not being able to find someone that likes / loves me back kills me. And this problem is affecting my life on all plans emotionally and professionally I cannot concentrate on my work because my emotional problems distract me...so I'm starting to have the suicidal thoughts again. I cry until I fall asleep (if I fall asleep, sleeping becomes an issue as well). I went to a psychologist which told me that I don't have any issues and that I should wait, because the right person will come up...but it is the waiting that kills me, and now I go out with friends (2 of them no about my problems) and I cannot do anything sadness feels my soul and I'm like a corpse...
  2. Unknown_111

    Unknown_111 Forum Buddy Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Welcome to the forum. PLEASE DO NOT DO ANYTHING AS LIFE IS IMPORTANT. You are important and do not think anything else. Life can be tough and thinking you are on your own for the rest of life is hard. I commend you that you think different and respect yourself not to do one night stands. That's shows you are a respectable person and a person with morals. Perhaps you should try to meet people on a dating web page or use your interests and join a club where you can meet others. You are not the only person in the world to suffer but remember there are others like you out there in the human race. You need to keep yourself busy on a day to day basis.

    It's important that you eat regularly in order to maintain your health and also helps your own well-being as well. You are in no way suffering alone as we all here do care. Please keep posting for support and care. I hope this posts helps your in your current anguish.
  3. Superman

    Superman New Member

    Hey Mikes. When I read your post a few things really stood out to me as thing I've struggled with. In fact A LOT of what you wrote seemed to come right from my life ! I too struggled with love in the same way as you. My ex fiancé left me for a man she was really in love with the whole time we were together. I once weighed 300 pounds and lost 100, I too know what it feels like to be utterly terrified at the prospect of being alone forever. But I swear to you if you just HOLD ON everything will get better ! You see life is a matter of perspective. You should be proud of the fact that you lost 22 pounds you should be appreciative that you experienced rough relationships because now you're wiser and can find a better partner for yourself. And just saying dude here in America you'd be a catch ! A young man with a steady job is not something to be taken lightly. Circumstances in your life may not be pristine, but they will get better I guarantee ! But things can only get better if you hold on and roll with the punches in life. And I believe you're strong enough to do so !
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