I can't go on anymore

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Laurie1985, Sep 15, 2009.

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  1. Laurie1985

    Laurie1985 New Member

    I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder (type 1) earlier this year and I thought things would be better as I had a reason for why I've felt suicidal many times before and also it explained a lot of strange things I'd done in my life and not quite understood why I did them. But in actual fact things have got worse. My family is unbearable, they do nothing but cause me stress and my brothers are not caring or understanding toward me at all. It's as though they think I'm attention seeking, they haven't even been bothered to read up on bipolar disorder. I rented a house off one of my brothers and he just kicked me out because he wants to sell it, even though the leese says I could stay there for at least four years! so now I'm living with my folks, which I can't stand as my father is a quick tempered, argumentative, venom tongued alcoholic and sometimes I can't even look at him without gritting my teeth. My son who is 3, I love with all my heart, but he's such a handfull, so my mother has been taking care of him for me as I just can not cope at the moment, which makes me feel guilty, unbelievabley guilty, I can't stand how guilty it makes me feel. I want to be the one taking care of him, but it's too hard. If I were to type up every reason for these strong suicidal thoughts that have been going through my head, I'd be here all day! So I'll stop now, the basic jist of this post is I've had enough of life, I've had enough of my family, my friends, my boyfriend... but most of all I've had enough of myself and I don't think I can carry on living anymore. It's too hard
  2. poetbassplayer

    poetbassplayer Active Member

    Laurie is there anyone you can talk with? Is professional counseling available sounds like you have been working on getting better and understanding your mental disorder please keep trying sounds like your mom is compassionate and maybe she knows you are having a difficult time and willing to help out so you have a chance to take care of you-i was in a situation with my wife and kids had to live with my parents temorarily while i was across the country attending school and all hell broke loose being suicidal severely depressed already it was impossible to see any hope of things getting better i requested mental help thru the navy got some help still was very hard but counseling and meds helped make things manageable i am not a professional and your circumstance may need different treatment but its out there and sooner the better please keep trying because you are worth it!

  3. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    I know the fight is hard, but your life is worth fighting for.

    Are you getting any help, seeing a psychiatrist or a counselor for what you're going through? you mother does sound supportive; is she someone you can confide in?
  4. canis-lupis

    canis-lupis Well-Known Member

    pls pm me, I understand where you are at & there is an ear here to listen. (btw also diag. bp) keep fighting the feelings hun, we are all here to help if we can
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