It's really not working guys, I can't do this anymore. My life is all f*cked up, actually, I have no life, nothing. I'm completely out of sync with the world around me, I can't even remenber the last conversation I had with anyone, it was so long ago... Like this, I'm not gonna last more than a week or two. The only thing holding me back is that I want to write suicide letters and I still didn't find the right words for it, partially because I'm so apathic I can't even get myself to sit in from of the computer and think of what to write. If it wasn't for that, I'd kill myself today, no question. Pills are a waste of time in my case, my life is down the toilet with or without drugs so in the end I'd just be fooling myself. I know many of you guys have been trying hard to cheer me up, and I thank you all for that, but it's just not working... I think I'm way beyond any saving... The way things are, only a miracle could help me now... I'm not counting on one.