My body doesn't work. My stomach randomly attacks me, and the pain is so bad that sometimes I pass out, not to mention the other random effects. I've restructured my entire life around it. I don't eat if I'm going out, I have a really bland meal if I have to work the next morning. I have breakfast at 7 AM, and then lunch at like 8 or 9 at night and dinner at midnight, cuz that lets me have most of the day where I can function. Most days. But its not good enough. I'm losing everything I care about in life because of it. Because of the unpredictability of it, I have to cancel plans. Sometimes with only 10 minutes notice. Its made me unreliable, and therefore worthless. Other people can't deal with it. There's no place for me in the world. Even the stupid beetle crawling across my counter right now has more of a right to be in the world than I do. At least the beetle can serve a purpose in the ecosystem, and will die when it can't. Me, I can't find a job (partly because of the economy, partly because there's not much I CAN do). I'm a drain on my family, and I'm a major annoyance to anyone I try to be around. The right thing to do is for me to stay as far away from people as possible, to let them live their lives without the burden of my health issues... They'll all end up leaving me over this anyhow. And life's just not worth living alone. I wish whatever the hell is wrong would just kill me already. I wish I could just pass out one of these times and choke on my vomit and die. Or just pass out and never wake up again. I've tried SO hard to make my life work around this, but its all worthless. I'm worthless.