I've been feeling suicidal lately and it's scaring me because I don't feel scared about dying, I feel calm. And I'm scared of that because I want to die but I know I can't because of the pain I'll bring to the people around me. It feels like I'm living my life for others and not for myself. I want to die I don't care about living, but I do for my friends and family. For their happiness and their health. I know when some people say " they don't care" the people usually do care. But when I say my friends do not care. They do not. One has been dry to me and she sees the posts I reblog on this site called tumblr but she does not seem to care to ask my how I am or something as simple as how is your day. I don't want to sound over dramatic but I think I'm acting this way is because I'd bend backwards to make sure they're okay ad they're feeling ok but I feel like with them I'm just a waste of time. I had this one friend who was there for me and helped me through a lot and I could talk to her whenever I wanted, I felt comfortable with her. But I didn't treat her right, she told me u care more about the people who don't care about u but to the people who love and care about you you treat them bad. And I was thinking about what she said and it's true, and that's how I lost her as a friend. She was the only person that I could talk to and now I have no one. My friends don't get what I'm going through so It's hard to talk to them, so I bottle everything up having no one to talk to. One of them doesn't even believe in my depression, she thinks that I'm just stressed about school and it'll pass and yes school is a factor but the whole point is that I don't want to live anymore. Life wasn't meant for me and I want to die. I should of never been born. Basically I'm going crazy because I have no one to talk to and I've messed everything up in my life and I feel like I'm stuck.